Freaking The Hell Out
an essay on Fear and Faith
I’m a pretty freaked out right now. Maybe you are too. And when I am afraid I always think about this Gospel story.
. . . while they were sailing Jesus fell asleep. A windstorm swept down on the lake, the boat was filling with water, and they were in danger. They went to him and woke him up, shouting, “Master, Master, we are perishing!” And he woke up and rebuked the wind and the raging waves; they ceased, and there was a calm. He said to them, “Where is your faith?” - Luke 8
Jesus and the disciples are caught in a storm at sea. The text says they were in danger. Real danger. Their boat was literally filling with water, so if they were freaking out it was not due to neuroses or an anxiety disorder . . . it was because their boat was about to sink.
As human beings we are wired for certain responses when our lives are in danger. Adrenalin is released in our brains, our heart rate increases, our pupils dilate to let in more light, and we become hyper-aware of what’s happening around us. We don’t exactly choose to react like this.
So it has always felt unfair that, in the midst of a sinking boat Jesus turns to his disciples and says “Where is your faith?” It’s always felt like an accusation, like Jesus is saying that if we have enough faith we can somehow transcend our animal brain chemistry.
Both New Age-y and Prosperity Gospel thinking would have us believe that if we just have enough faith . . (or if we just think positively enough) we will draw only good things to us. But honestly life doesn’t work like that. We know that bad things happen to all people and to think that storms happen because we didn’t think enough positive thoughts or practice the right kind of religion is just spiritual narcissism.
So maybe when Jesus said to them where is your faith he said it not as an accusation but as an invitation – an invitation to reflect on where God is in the midst of storms. Maybe in this question Jesus invites us to reflect on what it means to be alive on the other side of a situation we thought would kill us: a divorce, an illness, the death of a parent or even a child, the loss of a job, depression, middle school. It can feel like it’s going to kill us. But if it doesn’t, then maybe we get to ask sacred questions like: in what did I have faith? Where was God? What did I fear?
Because faith and/or positive thinking are not some kind of magic formula for a storm-free life. But faith is a way to find some calm.
So, here’s the thing: I have a goal. You know how you’ll be in a personal storm…money problems or a relationship crisis and you think “I’m perishing here, God” I mean you’re sure you are perishing…but when you look back on it 6 months or a year later after everything worked out or didn’t but you are still alive and the world didn’t end and you think “I don’t know why I was so freaked out…” well, I want some day to get to the point where I can trust God in the moment and not just in retrospect. Maybe things will work out, maybe they won’t - but I can either have a sense of God’s love during the whole thing, or I can be so freaked out I forget it’s there.
Because here’s what I believe: the Triune God, whose love is powerful enough to raise Christ from the dead, simply will not be separated from me or from you. Not by a storm, not by a crisis, not by a pandemic, not by a war and not even by death. What I mean is, the love of God in Christ may not separate us from the storm … but the storm cannot, shall not, will not separate us from God’s love.
Be still, and KNOW.
AMEN.
Tomorrow:
Join me and author Cole Author Riley Saturday Feb 26th at 4p PST/ 7p EST for an Instagram Live chat about her extraordinary new book, This Here Flesh. Cole is the creator of Black Liturgies and her book took my breath away - it is exquisitely written and heartbreakingly insightful. This book is special.
Sunday:
I’m preaching on the Feast of The Transfiguration at St John’s Episcopal Cathedral in Denver at 8a, 10:30a (live-streamed) and 5p (live-streamed) Sunday Feb 27th. All times MST.
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This made me think in a different way about what Jesus was asking - more to your question” in what do we have faith.” Maybe Jesus was asking do you believe in the boat, do you believe in calmer weather, is your faith in your fellow sailors, is it in vaccines, in powerful weapons, in the economy - yes where is my faith - so often misplaced. Prayers that you O Lord, would rescue me, not from my circumstance or condition, but from my unbelief.
I think to be still and know is one of the hardest things we can do, especially in these disordered, frantic times. I'm grateful for people like you, Nadia. that strive for that and strive to help others do the same.