I was supposed to send this days ago...
here's what happened instead
Two events happened this week that I was supposed to send out newsletters about:
On Tuesday the re-release of my first memoir, Pastrix, dropped.
On Wednesday the final episode of Season 3 of The Confessional dropped.
But did I do the responsible thing and post here about that stuff? No.
Why? Because I woke up Tuesday and thought, “I’m going to drive to St Paul to surprise Jodi!” There was just a sudden urgency to it.
I’ve always loved that passage in Luke that says that Mary “made haste” to go visit her kinswoman Elizabeth. Sometimes, you just gotta make haste to go visit your women.
I loaded up my van, and within a few hours Gertie and I were driving to Minnesota so that I could surprise the shit out of the friend who was my constant over this last year - who I talked to every other day. Who I could be totally honest with. Who made me laugh. Who knew all the boring details of my life (because pandemic life doesn’t vary much). At one point we had been talking for 10 minutes before I interrupted her “I can’t believe I buried the lede….I’ve been meaning to tell you: I cleaned out my car!” This is what constituted much of our conversations. That, and pastoral stuff: what soup we were planning to cook that day, and also what is the nature of forgiveness. (Jodi is the founding pastor of a very sweet church in St Paul called Humble Walk.)
On Thursday when I pulled in front of her house she couldn’t believe it.
We hugged for the first time in a year and half and I shook crying. “I couldn’t have made it without you, Jodi”. I spent 24 hours there and then drove home…I just got back.
I hope you had someone during this pandemic who you could connect with about the important and no-so-important aspects of your life and that you helped each other get through and that you too get to hug soon.
bonus: I surprised our friend Rachel Kurtz too!! Hugging these beloved women, laughing with them, breaking bread with them was absolute medicine for me.
OK, now onto the other stuff:
New Edition of Pastrix; The Cranky, Beautiful Faith of a Sinner & Saint!
Originally published in 2013, A new edition of Pastrix is now available and includes a brand new chapter!
Ever wonder “How’d this woman become a Lutheran Pastor?”, or “Did Nadia ever live in a 2 bedroom apartment with 6 other addicts?” or “I wonder if Nadia was ever conned by a pimp” this may be the read for you.
Wonder if you’d be into it? Click here for a video of me reading a chapter. You’ll know one way or the other.
Final Episode of Season 3 of The Confessional is out and it is an AMAZING story.
Meg lives in a conservation community in the Chicago suburbs with her wife, daughter, and menagerie of rescue animals. She is a middle school Health teacher and coach whose passion is helping kids become good humans. Teaching important topics like mental health, consent, communication, and empathy are her jam. She told her first story at the Wild Goose Festival in Hot Springs, NC in 2015, and is featured on The Moth podcast.
Instagram: @meha1010
Opening Essay:
The writer Dani Shapiro has an amazing podcast called “Family Secrets” in which people talk about the emotional fallout from things that were hidden and then later discovered.
I suspect that when families hide something, the thing they are hiding is always their own shame. I know that when families pretend something didn’t happen when it did totally happen, it is to try and avoid the emotional toll of the truth, but it doesn’t work like that. Because secrets accrue interest over time…
eventually there is an emotional balloon payment.
Because growing up in a family in which a secret is being kept from you, is like growing up in a family which has its own poltergeist. Maybe you can’t see it, but know you can feel it, you know you can hear it rattling things in the attic, you know something is wrong but the truth of it is hidden from you. And when there is a difference between what you are sensing and what you’re told, it erodes your trust in yourself and in others in a way nothing else can. Many of us who grew up in families with secrets we sensed while everyone around us was saying nothing’s wrong, just come to the conclusion that well….then something must be wrong with us.
Which is why I’ve started to suspect that secrets don’t hide the truth, they metastasize it.
My guest today tells me about the cost of her mother’s secret and the one she herself kept from a father who loved her.
Thank you so much for listening to The Confessional. It’s been a real labor of love for me - trying to carve out a space where folks can tell stories of when they were at their worst and be listened to with compassion. I’m so grateful for my listeners. Thank you!
If this pandemic has taught me anything, it’s that we must honor “the nudge” when we get it, and do the important and sometimes improbable things to honor the life we’ve been given. Reading about your trip to see your friend is wonderful. By honoring yourself and your friend, you also honored all of us by letting us, once again, be part of your journey.
I so agree that secrets metastasized the truth! In 2017, I learned that my birth dad wasn't the dad who raised me, the 3 siblings I grew up with were my half siblings, I had 1 full sister and 5 more half siblings, and my half-sister was not related to me by blood. My mom might have been the only one who knew this. My mom, my dad, and my birth dad all died years ago, so I have no one to give me any answers. I often felt like a misfit in my family as I grew up, and now I know why. Parents, don't keep these kinds of secrets from your children!