My father died rather suddenly three weeks ago today. I just shared this story this morning on Threads and thought it was perfect to also share here.
Just after he elected to start comfort care only, the kidney doctor told my father, “Your transplanted kidney function is 13% which means you need to go back on dialysis but I don’t recommend it given everything you have going on.”
We explained we were about to transfer to the palliative care floor so it was a moot point.
Then my father said, “Can you give the kidney to someone else? After all, someone else died and gave it to me.”
The doctor and I looked at one another across the bed as he explained, “That’s so generous of you but we can’t do that.”
My dad said, “Anyone can have any of my parts.”
I wouldn’t call my father a generous person. When I was in early recovery and broke, I would ask to borrow a dollar to contribute to the meeting and he would insist on being paid back. The times he loaned me money in my life, he charged me interest equivalent to the bank. I know he thought he was teaching me a lesson.
The actual lesson he taught me is our bodies are just the meat sacks holding our souls and spirits.
When I was growing up, he would say, “I hope I die close to trash day so you can just put my body in the trash can.”
No wonder I’ve never felt uncomfortable sitting with hospice patients after they die.
Literally three hours after he died, I got a call from “Saving Sight.” The caller was very quiet and apologetic. What a job she has. Thanks to my work, I knew why she was calling.
I interrupted her spiel, “I work in hospice. I know why you’re calling. Yes, you can have my father’s corneas & the eyeballs. He would be happy to donate them.”
She was clearly relieved not to have to give me her whole pitch. We even laughed about it.
When I called the mortuary, I reminded them, “It’s on the forms but he had a pacemaker so don’t forget to take it out so you don’t blow anything up!”
Then I asked him to send it to me. As the owner of a mortuary, he didn’t bat an eye.
In one of his many notes to me, he told me to keep his top set of dentures but there are still missing in his house, so I figured his pacemaker would be a dark & hilarious keepsake. Especially since I have one too.
But then, I discovered you can donate them to veterinary cardiologists to use in dogs.
His pacemaker is being sent off this week to help save a dog’s life.
My dad’s meat suit didn’t mean much to him but it will mean so much to others. I love how he’s living on this way.
Just what I needed this morning, Pastor Nadia, after seeing President Trump’s post in papal robe; such idolatrous blasphemy! Thank you for reminding me of the beautiful selflessness of others who so generously give.🙏💕
It’s such a beautiful song, and I weep every time I listen to it. It’s not an experience I’ve ever had. But I do have children. And a well told story can make you feel the unimaginable.
Heart-full thanks for the story shared Nadia. I am a bereaved mother. My son died at 2 from cancer. Donation not possible due to his poor little disease ridden beautiful body. Still my heart blossoms over and over and over again listening, believing, knowing, and hearing of the Love connecting us all. Beauty is everywhere, in everyone, in everything. God is good all the time. All the time God is good.
When my partner sheepishly removed the bulky dressing after her radical mastectomy, we had one of those longer than usual hugs, the deep feeling kind and I gently whispered in her ear that I can feel her heartbeat closer to mine. It was one of those moments we felt like we melted into each other, tears and all.
I saw this post and thought how wonderful that Mom could hear her daughter's heart. One of my granddaughters received a liver when she was 5 months old. She would have died without that donation and every March 7 my daughter reminds of us Emmaline's donor angel. I can't hear a liver, but I do ask blessings on that parent who had the courage to donate her child's organs so others might live.
Damn it Nadia … I’m headed to my Uber job and I can’t be weeping when I turn around to address the concerns of my riders in the back seat … please kindly text me prior to your posts in the future … Charlie-waiting-on-you-to-New Orleans … guy … 🥲
"How gorgeous is it that our broken heart can be partly mended by being pressed up against the heart of another."
I love that. I think sometimes we feel as if we are not doing enough. I should pray more, do more, and love through action is so important. Yet, something as simple as a hug can give the calmness that allows a person's body and mind to be within that process of healing itself.
Yesterday I had lunch with a trans woman whom I have known for more than half her life, whom I met when she was my son’s high school buddy. We talked for three hours about her journey, her wife of nearly 2 decades, the verbal abuse from strangers, job insecurity, and the benefits of electrolysis vs thermolysis. Afterwards we went shopping at Ulta. And as we parted, we embraced for a long time. Were you at Ulta yesterday?
When my son died from his addiction they didn’t harvest any of his organs. His heart was damaged but surely something was useful. That has always bothered me - it would have been comforting to know he helped someone else. It feels like more of the shame and stigma he lived with.
I keep wondering why magnificent isn't our go-to way of being. Why does "sinner" seem to be so much easier than "saint"? I don't think it's really "easier" to be a sinner, is it? Or is it that sin just makes the news more than saintliness, and saintliness is more common than we often think? I know so many really good people; not perfect, but good. Maybe we need to look with better eyes.
My father died rather suddenly three weeks ago today. I just shared this story this morning on Threads and thought it was perfect to also share here.
Just after he elected to start comfort care only, the kidney doctor told my father, “Your transplanted kidney function is 13% which means you need to go back on dialysis but I don’t recommend it given everything you have going on.”
We explained we were about to transfer to the palliative care floor so it was a moot point.
Then my father said, “Can you give the kidney to someone else? After all, someone else died and gave it to me.”
The doctor and I looked at one another across the bed as he explained, “That’s so generous of you but we can’t do that.”
My dad said, “Anyone can have any of my parts.”
I wouldn’t call my father a generous person. When I was in early recovery and broke, I would ask to borrow a dollar to contribute to the meeting and he would insist on being paid back. The times he loaned me money in my life, he charged me interest equivalent to the bank. I know he thought he was teaching me a lesson.
The actual lesson he taught me is our bodies are just the meat sacks holding our souls and spirits.
When I was growing up, he would say, “I hope I die close to trash day so you can just put my body in the trash can.”
No wonder I’ve never felt uncomfortable sitting with hospice patients after they die.
Literally three hours after he died, I got a call from “Saving Sight.” The caller was very quiet and apologetic. What a job she has. Thanks to my work, I knew why she was calling.
I interrupted her spiel, “I work in hospice. I know why you’re calling. Yes, you can have my father’s corneas & the eyeballs. He would be happy to donate them.”
She was clearly relieved not to have to give me her whole pitch. We even laughed about it.
When I called the mortuary, I reminded them, “It’s on the forms but he had a pacemaker so don’t forget to take it out so you don’t blow anything up!”
Then I asked him to send it to me. As the owner of a mortuary, he didn’t bat an eye.
In one of his many notes to me, he told me to keep his top set of dentures but there are still missing in his house, so I figured his pacemaker would be a dark & hilarious keepsake. Especially since I have one too.
But then, I discovered you can donate them to veterinary cardiologists to use in dogs.
His pacemaker is being sent off this week to help save a dog’s life.
My dad’s meat suit didn’t mean much to him but it will mean so much to others. I love how he’s living on this way.
💕
My sympathies to you and everyone who love your dad.
Just what I needed this morning, Pastor Nadia, after seeing President Trump’s post in papal robe; such idolatrous blasphemy! Thank you for reminding me of the beautiful selflessness of others who so generously give.🙏💕
I was a nurse in a transplant unit 50 years ago. I know this hug too. Listen to Bonnie Raitt’s song, “Just Like That”. ❤️🩹
It’s such a beautiful song, and I weep every time I listen to it. It’s not an experience I’ve ever had. But I do have children. And a well told story can make you feel the unimaginable.
Heart-full thanks for the story shared Nadia. I am a bereaved mother. My son died at 2 from cancer. Donation not possible due to his poor little disease ridden beautiful body. Still my heart blossoms over and over and over again listening, believing, knowing, and hearing of the Love connecting us all. Beauty is everywhere, in everyone, in everything. God is good all the time. All the time God is good.
❤️💔❤️
When my partner sheepishly removed the bulky dressing after her radical mastectomy, we had one of those longer than usual hugs, the deep feeling kind and I gently whispered in her ear that I can feel her heartbeat closer to mine. It was one of those moments we felt like we melted into each other, tears and all.
I saw this post and thought how wonderful that Mom could hear her daughter's heart. One of my granddaughters received a liver when she was 5 months old. She would have died without that donation and every March 7 my daughter reminds of us Emmaline's donor angel. I can't hear a liver, but I do ask blessings on that parent who had the courage to donate her child's organs so others might live.
Damn it Nadia … I’m headed to my Uber job and I can’t be weeping when I turn around to address the concerns of my riders in the back seat … please kindly text me prior to your posts in the future … Charlie-waiting-on-you-to-New Orleans … guy … 🥲
"How gorgeous is it that our broken heart can be partly mended by being pressed up against the heart of another."
I love that. I think sometimes we feel as if we are not doing enough. I should pray more, do more, and love through action is so important. Yet, something as simple as a hug can give the calmness that allows a person's body and mind to be within that process of healing itself.
Thanks for the reminder to be softer right now.
I just want to tell you that I am holding a Walk as One at One workshop at our church’s labyrinth - all over the globe @ 1 p.m. - praying for peace
Thank you for "My heart goes out to you"... Listen to Bonnie Riatt's "Just Like That"--will bring tears to your eyes..
Yesterday I had lunch with a trans woman whom I have known for more than half her life, whom I met when she was my son’s high school buddy. We talked for three hours about her journey, her wife of nearly 2 decades, the verbal abuse from strangers, job insecurity, and the benefits of electrolysis vs thermolysis. Afterwards we went shopping at Ulta. And as we parted, we embraced for a long time. Were you at Ulta yesterday?
When my son died from his addiction they didn’t harvest any of his organs. His heart was damaged but surely something was useful. That has always bothered me - it would have been comforting to know he helped someone else. It feels like more of the shame and stigma he lived with.
I will never ever forget the scene in ER when Anthony Edwards' character listens to his late wife's heart in its new body. 😭
Beautiful. Watched a heartfelt movie on Hulu called The Qiet One that ended in a 9 year old hugging an uncle that gave her new life
"Humans can be magnificent."
I keep wondering why magnificent isn't our go-to way of being. Why does "sinner" seem to be so much easier than "saint"? I don't think it's really "easier" to be a sinner, is it? Or is it that sin just makes the news more than saintliness, and saintliness is more common than we often think? I know so many really good people; not perfect, but good. Maybe we need to look with better eyes.