I know I was just complaining about waiting my turn for the vaccine, but now that I’ve gotten mine, this part also feels tricky. So, I have some Easter-related questions, God. I’m wondering - that one dawn, so many years ago, when Jesus came out of his own tomb, did he step haltingly toward the light or did he run? Did he know who he was right away, or did that take a minute? Did he harbor resentments about his faltering friends or was he free?
I’m asking because many of us are stepping into the first light of a post-pandemic dawn and one minute I want to run full speed and the next I am unable to move. And If I talk too much about what was lost, I feel like a bummer but if I talk at all about the unexpected gifts, I feel like I’m callous. And I’m not sure I can ever be who I was before, but I’m also not totally sure who everyone else is now, either.
My Easter request is this: Help us remember that resurrection isn’t reversal, that as we return to life, we are carrying our own wounds from loss and isolation. But we are also emerging with new beauty and new wisdom. We are not who we were. But we do get to discover who we are. Help us not foreclose on each other. Maybe just grant us a holy curiosity for a while?
Please give me courage to trust the hope I feel right now. Save me from squandering this moment of new life. Remind me that all the fear and cynicism in the world never protects me from pain and disappointment in the way I think they will. Give us back to each other when the time is right. May we recognize you, our wounded and resurrected God, in our belly laughs and crocodile tears…and maybe … even in each other.
I think I’m done for now.
On Sunday March 22nd, 2020 I posted some prayers here. In that first post, I said, “We are going to share prayers here each Sunday until folks are able to gather in person with their communities’ - many of us had our church services cancelled but none of us knew at the time just how long this shit was going to last.
Here we are 53 weeks later. I have sat down nearly every Sunday, meditated, had a coffee, and then asked myself “what do I genuinely want to say to God right now?” You’ve all been so gracious in your response to this small pandemic offering of mine, and I thank you for that kindness.
I feel like the Sunday Prayers project has been completed. (Although who knows, maybe I’ll pop up with some now and again as they arise in me.)
For now, I am focusing on gathering prayers in some new ways (more about that soon). Thank you for praying with me. Thank you for praying for me. Just, thank you.
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