Sunday Prayers January 24th, 2021

all over the place, edition

My dog, Gertrude Stein.

Dear God,

You know what prayers I angrily wrote this morning before deleting them – we will just leave those between us. I thank you that my prayers are received by you even when they are not fit to print and that as of today, my anger and anxiety have not yet consumed me whole.

Help me forgive myself for not being the person I think I should be.

Help me forgive others for not being who I think they should be.

Help me forgive this life for not being what I think it should be.

Even still, I thank you God: for the dance party I had with my girlfriends last night on zoom and for the joy we can share even through such a lame-ass medium; and for the poet Amanda Gorman who was healer, pastor and prophet to us this week; and for the life of my beautiful cousin Jennifer, may she rest in your eternal embrace.

I thank you for dogs and Wellbutrin which in combination manage to keep me from cratering. 

I thank you that there is no upper limit to how many times you will rip out my heart of stone and replace it again with one that is warm and beating.

I thank you for one more day of sobriety.

Increase my capacity for finding joy.

Increase my capacity for finding gratitude.

Increase my capacity for finding TV shows worth watching.

And bless all of our messy, imperfect attempts at prayer, including this one.

Amen.

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