Sunday Prayers; Oct 18th, 2020
Trying to be more grateful edition
Dear God,
I’m very clear about what scares me right now. And I have absolutely no problem talking about what angers me right now. But I know that you would have more for me in this life than fear and rage (although there is a purpose for both).
And let’s be honest, it’s so much easier for me to long for what I want or resent what I have lost than it is for me to be thankful for what I have.
Help me know that gratitude isn’t a thank-you note-to-Grandma obligation, but the gift that doubles a gift.
So here’s what I am thankful for this morning:
That you gave us a capacity to experience pleasure. It was an optional upgrade and you made sure it was the factory installed standard and I’m so grateful. So, for dark chocolate and strong coffee and good sex I give you thanks. For the smell of BBQ and the feel of puppies and the sight of Modigliani portraits, I give you thanks. For the way that hot springs and cold lemonade and warm baked goods make us feel, I give you thanks.
That you are the connective tissue between those who bear your image, I give you thanks. (Help me feel the truth of this even in those who write horrible shit about me on-line.)
For the neighbor who put out “gratitude pumpkins” and black markers on their stoop, I give you thanks.
Zoom is a mixed blessing, Lord, but I am grateful for the business meetings, learning, and summer camp reunions it allows.
I’m so grateful for Wheat Ridge Animal Hospital and whatever magic they performed that gave me my Gertie back to me.
Thank you for one more day of able-bodied-ness.
Thank you for every single moment of laughter.
Thank you that streaming TV shows is a thing.
That there are people in my life who love me completely even though they actually know me, know me is mind-blowing and life-changing. Thank you.
That you are God and I am not, I give you thanks even though sometimes I don’t act like it.
Thank you for my life.
If possible, help me be more grateful for it.
Amen.
Now, back to the rage….
What are you grateful for today?
Comments are open. (But don’t be an asshole.)
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One morning, in a reflective mood, I washed and cut into a beautiful Gala apple. I thanked God for creating apples and then tried to think about and thank him for all the people and miraculous things that had happened for that apple to be planted, to be nurtured and to grow. I thanked him for the people who harvested my apple and prayed they had decent living conditions and wages. Also for the people who packed it, transported it, unloaded it, and put it out in the produce aisle to offer to me.
I think one thing COVID is teaching me is to TRY not to take things for granted. I try to look for at least one thing everyday that is truly miraculous and makes me smile and say hey to God.
I am grateful for this saying I read: Don’t let others gaslight your shine out of you. This past several months have been about finding my real Julie. I have spent so many years in my ministry, working for Christians conforming to a version of what is acceptable, and even in my own family dimming myself because I was just too bright for them... too much. I don’t want to live that way. My husband asked me “where is the woman I married who laughed and was full of joy and was adventurous?” And I had to think, every time I was told I laughed too loud, or lived too big, or wanted to do too much that person just went away.
I am grateful for these past few months that I have spent my time discovering who I am, who I want to be and what I want to do in my life. Its been a blessing but its also scary.