When We Hurt Our Parents
Johnathan Williams on the mistakes of a grown son, and the wild night that set him straight (so to speak)
“So what I ended up doing was being an incredible dick to my father. That's what I ended up doing.” -Johnathan Williams
Jonathan Williams is the Lead Pastor of Forefront Church in Brooklyn, New York. He co-wrote his first book, She’s My Dad: A Father’s Transition and a Son’s Redemption, with his father Paula Stone Williams.
Opening Essay:
By the time I went to divinity school, I was already in my late 30s. Which is why I was called a “2nd career student,” which I thought was adorable because it implied I had a first career. Which I did not. Unless being a complete screw up is now considered a career.
So when I was 44 and wrote a memoir that became a bestseller, I had no experience at being successful. I had no idea how to handle it or who to turn to for guidance because no one wants to hear how freaked out you feel about something most people would consider to be a good thing.
On a Monday night of that first tour, a man in the book signing line, held my book Pastrix to his chest and said “I hope this is as successful as The Shack ” and I looked at him like he had just insulted me. The Shack, if you don’t know is a Christian novel by Paul Young that sold tens of millions of copies. It’s a well-loved book that just wasn’t to my taste as I am not one to mix my religion with quite so much sentimentality.
Anyhow, that same week, after being in a different city each day and signing a gazillion books and having reporter from The Washington Post follow me around, and then having audience members wanting selfies with me, there was a headline in The Daily Beast that read, Can Nadia Bolz-Weber save liberal Christianity and it brought on a small panic attack. I was on a ride that kept speeding up and nothing in my life so far had prepared me for it and I desperately needed wisdom for how to hold on.
That Saturday my publisher sent me to a Book Fair in New Orleans with 3 other authors. A mystery writer, a novelist and a historian. The novelist was a kind, older man with a warm smile whose name I didn’t catch, but who I was sat next to at Dinner. Him on my left and my editor on my right. I Asked his name and what kind of books he wrote and my editor leaned over and said…” Um, Nadia… Paul wrote a little book called The Shack.”
Later that night, I swallowed my pride and asked him if we could talk privately and I told him everything I was feeling about that week and how I just really needed some help. And he prayed for me. Right then and there. He took my hand and reminded me that God will always provide enough grace for the day I am in. It was humbling, that what I needed was to be prayed over by the guy who wrote The Shack, but it was without a doubt, exactly what I needed.
Which means, I don’t get to choose what strangers come into my life and say what I need to hear. There’s never been an Angel Catalogue. Because if we got to choose our messengers, I’m pretty sure we’d get it wrong.
This week on The Confessional, I’m speaking with someone who had some unlikely angels of his own. Tune in here.
Join me and Johnathan for a live chat!
Friday Sept 11th, 6p PST/ 7p MST/ 8p CST/ 9p EST Johnathan and I will have a chat live on my Instagram. Just click on the circle with my image on the upper left. Join us!
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Wonderful. Johnathan's journey with his dad is beautiful, including the time and pain. Paula is fortunate to have a son who loves her and has gone through his own process to get there. And your blessing, Nadia, could be a blessing to any of us with parents! From a trans person, thank you for bringing Johnathan and Paula to me. Your presentation of their story lifts up our community and that of our loved ones.
I loved hearing this story, forgive me I am a new subscriber and just now got access to share. In any case, I loved this story. growing up I had a neighbor who was a dad of two girls, and married to his wife for years, and one day had come out as transgender and transitioned. I remember it was a a heavy blow to the family and for me, as a witness seeing the effec it had on the family it made me upset. I was angry at her because she made the family pay for her procedures, embarassed her kids, etc. Being witness to this it made me have a negative opinion of transgender people, even as an openly gay man, it was a part of the spectrum I did not recognize. It wasn;t until two years ago when at my job I had met more people who are trans, and one person who was very open about their transition and willing to talk, showed me how hard it is to be trans, and the challenges they faced. It occured to me I faced similair challenges coming out as gay. It opened my eyes. I am here, to apologize, apologize to everyone I have hurt from my thoughts, to Janelle who, although we weren't close, was effected by my thoughts and judgements. I apologize to the trans community who I ignored and avoided out of my own fear and disgust. I apologize that it took me so long to realize the pain some suffer, and I apologize that it took so long, I had a lot to learn and I am still learning. today that transgender friend who I met at work, is now one of my best friends that I talk to.