I wasn't expecting this when I decided to log oil this morning and post an epiphany of sorts. People think its strange that I consider myself both a mystic pilgrim and a substance user, which sort of dictates that I am also a drug policy reform advocate and a harsh critic of Recovery Inc. Thank you for this. The system is a quagmire of harm and lies and stigma. You would think a substance user or alcohklloiuc had never made any contribution to culture anywhere in history with the current messaging of "you are worthless shit." Imagine the 60s and 70s music and art scene without any influences of substances. Claptrap and Poppycock. You ( and me) still have something of value to offer even if we never get fully clean. And yes, this past year, which I have spent in all but complete and total islolation in my aoprtmemnt in downtown Seattle has taken me to the vert brink, and that's from someone who is famously reclusive and anti-social and big-polar to boot, so the brink of the Abyss is not uncharted territory. I have dreaded the end of the pandemic when my normal stops being the norm again. I have felt very liberate hidden behind my mask. I am tempted to keep wearing one in support of my theory that anonymity is liberating and that identity gets in the way of our knowing ourselves. this brings me to the meditation I logged into post, which I will save for another day, the gist being" There is a light," and how this one phrase its sometime the sum total of any faith I have in anything, and I'll admit I doing have faith everyday because I sometimes forget "there is a light." god bless us all. these are strange and ridiculous and profound times.
and Nadia, thank you. Just thank you. I'm sure we would have smoked cigarettes and stuff together in college.
I appreciate that you shared this. Sometimes you feel horrible about using those self mediation methods. I tell myself that I should be able to handle my life, I am an adult! It just doesn't always seem to be that why. Those words were a comfort, knowing that perhaps someone may understand and not judge you for what you have done or are currently doing.
As Nadia said yesterday, it's much safer for me to point out the more serious/dangerous/evil/etc. nature of your self-soothing methods than to sit with and consider my own. Rev. Cindy and Nadia both model inclusiveness and no bullshit loving kindness in a way that brings me both joy and gratitude. Thank you to both of them!
Thank you for sharing Rev Cindy’s words. I’ve been re-reading (listening) to Pastrix while sitting with a friend recovering in hospital from a nephrectomy. He and I are each self-meditators. I was super pleased with how well the doctors, nurses, pts, and his adult daughters reacted when he honestly and vulnerably admitted post surgery that he uses others’ prescription narcotics and thc gummies and alcohol and prescribed benzodiazepines daily at home. Complete non judgment from every single person! And amazing competence and care in response to his self medicating in relation to his current surgery recovery and future progress. What great synchronicity for me to have taken Pastrix on this journey, to have received this post tonight, and to be with my friend Stretch in this amazing and caring hospital.
I love this. It’s easier to hide the self-medicating of work, food, sex, retail therapy or online shopping, and the other non-substance “medications.” So happy to see it acknowledged this time. We all have something, some indulgence (or over indulgence) that we run to when we’re running away from what we should address. Something I read years ago stuck with me: don’t judge someone because they sin differently than you. It’s easy to look down on an addict or alcoholic because we see their medication, yet it’s the same root for all of us.
I wasn't expecting this when I decided to log oil this morning and post an epiphany of sorts. People think its strange that I consider myself both a mystic pilgrim and a substance user, which sort of dictates that I am also a drug policy reform advocate and a harsh critic of Recovery Inc. Thank you for this. The system is a quagmire of harm and lies and stigma. You would think a substance user or alcohklloiuc had never made any contribution to culture anywhere in history with the current messaging of "you are worthless shit." Imagine the 60s and 70s music and art scene without any influences of substances. Claptrap and Poppycock. You ( and me) still have something of value to offer even if we never get fully clean. And yes, this past year, which I have spent in all but complete and total islolation in my aoprtmemnt in downtown Seattle has taken me to the vert brink, and that's from someone who is famously reclusive and anti-social and big-polar to boot, so the brink of the Abyss is not uncharted territory. I have dreaded the end of the pandemic when my normal stops being the norm again. I have felt very liberate hidden behind my mask. I am tempted to keep wearing one in support of my theory that anonymity is liberating and that identity gets in the way of our knowing ourselves. this brings me to the meditation I logged into post, which I will save for another day, the gist being" There is a light," and how this one phrase its sometime the sum total of any faith I have in anything, and I'll admit I doing have faith everyday because I sometimes forget "there is a light." god bless us all. these are strange and ridiculous and profound times.
and Nadia, thank you. Just thank you. I'm sure we would have smoked cigarettes and stuff together in college.
thank you for your honesty...
Trying so hard not to ugly cry (not that I ever pretty cry, but still....)
I appreciate that you shared this. Sometimes you feel horrible about using those self mediation methods. I tell myself that I should be able to handle my life, I am an adult! It just doesn't always seem to be that why. Those words were a comfort, knowing that perhaps someone may understand and not judge you for what you have done or are currently doing.
Come as you are
As Nadia said yesterday, it's much safer for me to point out the more serious/dangerous/evil/etc. nature of your self-soothing methods than to sit with and consider my own. Rev. Cindy and Nadia both model inclusiveness and no bullshit loving kindness in a way that brings me both joy and gratitude. Thank you to both of them!
Thank you for sharing Rev Cindy’s words. I’ve been re-reading (listening) to Pastrix while sitting with a friend recovering in hospital from a nephrectomy. He and I are each self-meditators. I was super pleased with how well the doctors, nurses, pts, and his adult daughters reacted when he honestly and vulnerably admitted post surgery that he uses others’ prescription narcotics and thc gummies and alcohol and prescribed benzodiazepines daily at home. Complete non judgment from every single person! And amazing competence and care in response to his self medicating in relation to his current surgery recovery and future progress. What great synchronicity for me to have taken Pastrix on this journey, to have received this post tonight, and to be with my friend Stretch in this amazing and caring hospital.
I love this. It’s easier to hide the self-medicating of work, food, sex, retail therapy or online shopping, and the other non-substance “medications.” So happy to see it acknowledged this time. We all have something, some indulgence (or over indulgence) that we run to when we’re running away from what we should address. Something I read years ago stuck with me: don’t judge someone because they sin differently than you. It’s easy to look down on an addict or alcoholic because we see their medication, yet it’s the same root for all of us.
Heard her read this herself on the chapel prayers today; but I think it was God doing the ultimate talking. powerful and excellent, thank you.
This has been resonating with me all day today. So grateful you shared it.
I love self medicators too because I am one as well. Today's medication is much better than the medication I used in the past.