Well, hell yes! As a most imperfect meditator I learned early on (from Fr. Keating) that it's all in the return to God. It's not trying to be silent. That's a fool's mission. So the Return--That's the muscle you are exercising and as he said to a young nun who confessed to failing miserably at "being quiet" , "How wonderful, you got to return to God so many times." It's only with this history that I was able to lead a group of women at the County Jail--some just out of detox, all in deep mourning and full of anxiety and reactivity. If they can let themselves be imperfect in their openness, who am I to be so hell bent on "success" whatever that means. So they learned and taught me often, that they "returned" when someone picked a fight or when a passive aggressive CO was cruel, or when they could not sleep for the shouting. It's all in the return. Muscle memory kicks in at times, but greeting God in this most human of imperfections, comes as surprise Grace. "Return ever so gently, without criticism or comment. Just return and let God love you. God just wants to spend time with you."
Any wisdom comes from the struggle and from listening to the women I sit with....over a long period of time. Removing all remnants of success or failure, that it's about my effort, was my Spirit gift.
"It is not like the three tries you have to remember your password before the system locks you out."
IT lady reflection.
Maybe it is a little like it.
When you tried the old ways of getting in and you get it wrong, too many times, the following happens to get access again: you have to reset your way in. You have to change the way you authenticate.
Sometimes you have to reach out to an administrator, personally, and admit that you have a problem and need help getting access again.
Sometimes you can do it on your own.
Most of the time you will be directed to affirm your identity, maybe answer some personal questions, choose a new way, log in again, and start a brand new session that keeps no record of your past failures.
I have tried meditation many times and have failed hilariously, laughing at my failures. On one such occasion, at Spirit Rock In Marin County, California we were sent outside to do walking meditation. I had to keep my eyes open for fear of stumbling and falling. I looked at the others and "Night of the Living Dead" flooded my consciousness and I wanted to burst out laughing. Then I knew that the only kind of meditation that would work for me would be meditation led by an excellent stand up comic. But, I haven't found her.
God's timing is perfect... I needed these words as the very moment, a moment where I feel less than, emotionally drained and spiritually bruised. Thank you~
That's lovely, Nadia. It's interesting that you had trouble with meditation at first, since I've always thought of prayer as a form of meditation, only the mental space you occupy is shared with God.
Did I need to hear this today! Writing a paper on my level of human anthropology, looking at different words for sin, it makes me feel the scraping of that rake on the grass, not the calm act of gathering leaves on a windy day. I always feel better when the gps is working and not always recalculating. Renewing my spirit and breathing deeply sounds good for the day’s start. Namaste, insightful one.
This bit about the timing of Jesus' first words in Mark's gospel.... When his life was actually in a bit of a mess, so to speak. That's something I never realised, either. It was an eye-opener to me. Thank you for this.
Well, hell yes! As a most imperfect meditator I learned early on (from Fr. Keating) that it's all in the return to God. It's not trying to be silent. That's a fool's mission. So the Return--That's the muscle you are exercising and as he said to a young nun who confessed to failing miserably at "being quiet" , "How wonderful, you got to return to God so many times." It's only with this history that I was able to lead a group of women at the County Jail--some just out of detox, all in deep mourning and full of anxiety and reactivity. If they can let themselves be imperfect in their openness, who am I to be so hell bent on "success" whatever that means. So they learned and taught me often, that they "returned" when someone picked a fight or when a passive aggressive CO was cruel, or when they could not sleep for the shouting. It's all in the return. Muscle memory kicks in at times, but greeting God in this most human of imperfections, comes as surprise Grace. "Return ever so gently, without criticism or comment. Just return and let God love you. God just wants to spend time with you."
This was inspirational to me. Thank you.
Any wisdom comes from the struggle and from listening to the women I sit with....over a long period of time. Removing all remnants of success or failure, that it's about my effort, was my Spirit gift.
"It is not like the three tries you have to remember your password before the system locks you out."
IT lady reflection.
Maybe it is a little like it.
When you tried the old ways of getting in and you get it wrong, too many times, the following happens to get access again: you have to reset your way in. You have to change the way you authenticate.
Sometimes you have to reach out to an administrator, personally, and admit that you have a problem and need help getting access again.
Sometimes you can do it on your own.
Most of the time you will be directed to affirm your identity, maybe answer some personal questions, choose a new way, log in again, and start a brand new session that keeps no record of your past failures.
Amanda, love this analogy! Thank you~
I actually wish you would email every day...
I have tried meditation many times and have failed hilariously, laughing at my failures. On one such occasion, at Spirit Rock In Marin County, California we were sent outside to do walking meditation. I had to keep my eyes open for fear of stumbling and falling. I looked at the others and "Night of the Living Dead" flooded my consciousness and I wanted to burst out laughing. Then I knew that the only kind of meditation that would work for me would be meditation led by an excellent stand up comic. But, I haven't found her.
I liked this sermon so much I listened to it twice! Thank you Nadia.
Thank you Nadia for inspiring words....twice...my life is continually detoured towards repentance....
God's timing is perfect... I needed these words as the very moment, a moment where I feel less than, emotionally drained and spiritually bruised. Thank you~
Blessings on you, this reading, the Gospel and everyone out there who is reading. your words...Thank you
Thank you Nadia for your generosity of spirit. Your sermon is balm for a weary soul. Many thanks.
That's lovely, Nadia. It's interesting that you had trouble with meditation at first, since I've always thought of prayer as a form of meditation, only the mental space you occupy is shared with God.
Thank you for the inspiring sermon. God Bless you.
Thank you very much for sharing this sermon... I didn't realize just how much I need to hear and feel this message.
Never apologized for send two emails!!
This was a gift in every way.
Did I need to hear this today! Writing a paper on my level of human anthropology, looking at different words for sin, it makes me feel the scraping of that rake on the grass, not the calm act of gathering leaves on a windy day. I always feel better when the gps is working and not always recalculating. Renewing my spirit and breathing deeply sounds good for the day’s start. Namaste, insightful one.
This bit about the timing of Jesus' first words in Mark's gospel.... When his life was actually in a bit of a mess, so to speak. That's something I never realised, either. It was an eye-opener to me. Thank you for this.
Wonderful homily, thanks
Nadia.....twice the gift....to be sure!