Anne Lamott - Trust and Surrender
From Nadia:
(I am on a medical leave of absence - but here’s another substitute teacher you can misbehave around)
Since my 20s when I first read Traveling Mercies, Annie has made me feel less alone. There is no me as a writer without there having first been Annie as a writer. I’m so grateful for her and for her willingness to step in this week for me while I am on medical leave.
Anne Lamott
Brothers and sisters, here we are, clueless about what the future holds but knowing who holds the future. I wonder if it would be so much skin off Their divine nose to let us know how everything is going to shake down, so that we can make advantageous plans. But noooo, this is not the system.
The system is that one some days God’s will unspools in in the ways of a surrealist, non-linear movie director, with PMS.
Other days, we feel hilariously abundant love and grace, grace as spiritual W-D 40 that against all odds, and I mean ALL odds, pokes its thin red straw into our darkest and most clenched spaces, and offers release. (Cold dead hands, in my case.) (I heard in early recovery that everything we let go of has claw marks on it.)
And most of the time, everything pretty mixed up, hard stuff, love, the sniper in the trees picking off someone you love, peace, grace, bad news.
If I were God’s West Coast representative, I would have a much more organized system, all sad and weird events were in the knife slot in your silverware drawer, joy and peace where the big forks go, acceptance of the mystery in the salad fork slot, resentments and the desire for revenge in with the teaspoons.
So where does that leave us? Let me tell you a story from ten years ago when I was going to fly off to Africa. Of course I have always been a little more tense than the average bear, so I became fixated on all the ways I might die—a hijacking, deep vein thrombosis, snakes, terrorists, etc. But when all else fails, follow instructions, so I went up for the altar call the Sunday before I left, and asked the pastor for prayers.
She said, “Annie, when you get on a plane, it’s a little late for beggy prayers. It’s time for trust and surrender.”
Trust and surrender. Hmmm. Left to my own devices, I am more about praying for God’s will, but then adding in a number of my always-excellent thoughts on how things should shake down. I know God rolls Their eyes gently and smiles . God’s name for me is Beloved. So, just for today, I pray trust and surrender, I pray not to be such an asshole, I pray gratitude, I pray thankyouthankyouthankyou sweet gentle shepherd; and I pray Make me ever caring and available to the needs of the poor.
Amen.
VERY EXCITING NEWS: Annie is on Substack now - Hallelujah Anyway by Anne Lamott!
I heard a sermon in which the pastor said, "If we wanted to do God's will as much as we want to know His will, we would know it."
That's stuck with me for over 40 years.
I no longer pray about knowing God's will. I just trust that ultimately that His will shall result in what He wants. It makes praying a lot easier--and I can be grateful for whatever comes my way.
Thank you. I really needed this today. My assholeness was threatening to take over and ruin the day.