Welcome home, Nadia! I'm so glad this post is available to share. I'm going to print it out and take it to my therapy group. It's court-ordered therapy. We are all on parole or probation for sexual offenses. I've grown to love these people. Many are addicts, as I am. Many are in recovery and have been sober for some years, as I have. They are broken but mending. They have made terrible choices and inflicted great harm. They carry shame along with remorse. They are learning and growing and getting better. And I see their beautiful souls.
Now, having written that about "them," I see myself. To be with them is to be with kindred. I belong with them, not only because of my crime and the harm I did, but also because I share with them both brokenness and healing. And I am starting to see beauty within myself. That is to say, I am a child of God, worthy of love, as they are - as we are. As you are. Just as we are.
I've come to believe that every bit of healing is a false start until it begins with our awareness that we are loved exactly the way we are, without first having to change a thing. May your healing continue to be built on that solid foundation!
The first thing that came to mind after I read your question, " What would you write on a stone you must carry for hundreds of miles before leaving it at a holy site?" was "Thank YOU!" I don't know if that makes sense really, but it kind of does to me on many levels. By the way, I just gave up alcohol to buddy up with a neighbor who must give up alcohol or die younger than he has to. Please pray for both of us. Love having you back, Pastor Nadia. Marriage looks good on you! Wear it well.
After I read your post and then wrote my comment here, Nadia, I then posted the story about why I suddenly gave up alcohol for our neighbor. I could have kept my decision private, and maybe I should have, but I wrote my post because I wanted those around me to know what I'd done so that any bridge back would be burned and also because I wanted the Holy Spirit to get the credit. https://themjkxn.substack.com/p/where-everybody-knows-your-name
This so beautifully articulates what they mean by "those who come to the Camino with a heavy heart leave with a lighter load." Thank you for sharing this with us ✨
I hear you. I also wonder if perhaps the only way to truly "fail" Jesus is to undervalue his mercy....meaning, to be convinced that we have to add something of our own: our goodness, our piety, our "discipleship" in order to be worthy of him, when the fact is, that is all shit we make up. He does not give us conditions we must first meet before the healing is ours.
Emma, I don’t know why you carry your shame and grief. Someday, when you are having a coffee or whatever in a moment of silence, imagine I am sitting there across from you, some guy you’ve never met. And I’ve just heard your story, and I say to you, “there’s no need to carry that shame with you anymore. I can clearly see your worthy of the same love I’ve experienced. More so.”
You don't know how on point that is. I'm an apostrophe Nazi. HA HA. 😋 I've learned to back off from that a little so, progress toward Sainthood achieved! LOL.
I thoroughly enjoyed and was moved by your reflection on your pilgrimage on the Camino de Santiago. I'm taking up your challenge/suggestion in a modified way. I'm almost 81 with four major surgeries in the last five years. So, walking the Camino is out of the question for me, though I wish I had completed it in an earlier time.
Here is what I will do instead. I have a reasonably large stone that I picked up several years ago while visiting the Isle of Iona (Scotland). As a native-born Scot living in the US, I go to Iona anytime I go home. I will carry this rock with me every day, reflecting and writing on my journey -- the good, bad, and downright ugly, until I can place this stone at the foot of the St. John's Cross which stands near the entrance into the Abbey.
Your life's journey is inspirational to me and so many others.
Bless you and Eric in your onward journey together.
Glad to have you back but I thoroughly enjoyed your friends, too. We’re all on this journey together. While I have no chance to walk the Camino anytime soon (I was supposed to walk for a week with friends years ago but then my husband announced he wanted a divorce one week before we were supposed to begin) PERHAPS I can carry a stone for a week in my everyday life and then find a sacred place to leave it for God to witness with me! 🌳
My stone would be flat with two sides. The first side would show the name of my late wife of 44 years and the wish that she may be blessed. The second side would show a ? Wondering what the shape of this new life I want to be resurrected into at 70 is going to look like.
I said a few of those lines today. And here they are in your writing. Truly a sign for me. Glad to have you back. Happy you made this trip. Thank you so much for sharing.
Nadia no one has words to describe this trip like you- the pain, the forgiveness , the gift, the oneness, the challenge, the elation, the mercy. Thank you for making the experience so real for those of us who walk our own Caminos each and every day. In our brokenness we find our light as you always remind us.
While you were gone it gave me happiness that you who carry us always were taking time for you and nourishing your love.
Thank you also for the beautiful profound sharing of each online member.
Welcome home, Nadia! I'm so glad this post is available to share. I'm going to print it out and take it to my therapy group. It's court-ordered therapy. We are all on parole or probation for sexual offenses. I've grown to love these people. Many are addicts, as I am. Many are in recovery and have been sober for some years, as I have. They are broken but mending. They have made terrible choices and inflicted great harm. They carry shame along with remorse. They are learning and growing and getting better. And I see their beautiful souls.
Now, having written that about "them," I see myself. To be with them is to be with kindred. I belong with them, not only because of my crime and the harm I did, but also because I share with them both brokenness and healing. And I am starting to see beauty within myself. That is to say, I am a child of God, worthy of love, as they are - as we are. As you are. Just as we are.
I've come to believe that every bit of healing is a false start until it begins with our awareness that we are loved exactly the way we are, without first having to change a thing. May your healing continue to be built on that solid foundation!
Wonderful. I hope your continued journey is a blessing and you can lay down some stones.
This is beautiful. Thank you for sharing.
The first thing that came to mind after I read your question, " What would you write on a stone you must carry for hundreds of miles before leaving it at a holy site?" was "Thank YOU!" I don't know if that makes sense really, but it kind of does to me on many levels. By the way, I just gave up alcohol to buddy up with a neighbor who must give up alcohol or die younger than he has to. Please pray for both of us. Love having you back, Pastor Nadia. Marriage looks good on you! Wear it well.
Sober living isn't necessarily easy...but the benefits just keep coming.
After I read your post and then wrote my comment here, Nadia, I then posted the story about why I suddenly gave up alcohol for our neighbor. I could have kept my decision private, and maybe I should have, but I wrote my post because I wanted those around me to know what I'd done so that any bridge back would be burned and also because I wanted the Holy Spirit to get the credit. https://themjkxn.substack.com/p/where-everybody-knows-your-name
Same with me 💙
This so beautifully articulates what they mean by "those who come to the Camino with a heavy heart leave with a lighter load." Thank you for sharing this with us ✨
I'd say "Jesus. I am so sorry I failed you. I failed so many. Please deliver me from the shame and grief".
I hear you. I also wonder if perhaps the only way to truly "fail" Jesus is to undervalue his mercy....meaning, to be convinced that we have to add something of our own: our goodness, our piety, our "discipleship" in order to be worthy of him, when the fact is, that is all shit we make up. He does not give us conditions we must first meet before the healing is ours.
Thank you, Nadia! 💗💗💗 You are so right. Thank you for this reminder. I will mediate on it today.
Emma, I don’t know why you carry your shame and grief. Someday, when you are having a coffee or whatever in a moment of silence, imagine I am sitting there across from you, some guy you’ve never met. And I’ve just heard your story, and I say to you, “there’s no need to carry that shame with you anymore. I can clearly see your worthy of the same love I’ve experienced. More so.”
Or walk the Camino. 😊
Thank you Jeff. Your comment has encouraged me. I would love to walk the Camino someday!
You see… you didn’t even correct my “your” to “you’re!” Sainthood is in your future!
You don't know how on point that is. I'm an apostrophe Nazi. HA HA. 😋 I've learned to back off from that a little so, progress toward Sainthood achieved! LOL.
Emma, I, too, carry shame. I agree with Jeff about laying it down. Carrying shame and guilt is just a way of assuring myself I will "sin" again.
Thank you Tom. I appreciate this so much.
Nadia, welcome home!
I thoroughly enjoyed and was moved by your reflection on your pilgrimage on the Camino de Santiago. I'm taking up your challenge/suggestion in a modified way. I'm almost 81 with four major surgeries in the last five years. So, walking the Camino is out of the question for me, though I wish I had completed it in an earlier time.
Here is what I will do instead. I have a reasonably large stone that I picked up several years ago while visiting the Isle of Iona (Scotland). As a native-born Scot living in the US, I go to Iona anytime I go home. I will carry this rock with me every day, reflecting and writing on my journey -- the good, bad, and downright ugly, until I can place this stone at the foot of the St. John's Cross which stands near the entrance into the Abbey.
Your life's journey is inspirational to me and so many others.
Bless you and Eric in your onward journey together.
I have a stone from Iona. It is small enough to wear on a string, and when I do, I remember letting go of "I can't" and walking away with "I can."
I already have my stone and I carry it with me. I will be walking my Camino over Lent in 2026. I look forward to more posts about your journey!
Glad to have you back but I thoroughly enjoyed your friends, too. We’re all on this journey together. While I have no chance to walk the Camino anytime soon (I was supposed to walk for a week with friends years ago but then my husband announced he wanted a divorce one week before we were supposed to begin) PERHAPS I can carry a stone for a week in my everyday life and then find a sacred place to leave it for God to witness with me! 🌳
perfect idea. And i hope you get to go walk your own Camino soon!
My stone would be flat with two sides. The first side would show the name of my late wife of 44 years and the wish that she may be blessed. The second side would show a ? Wondering what the shape of this new life I want to be resurrected into at 70 is going to look like.
I am going to walk the Portugese next year.
I look forward to hearing how it impacts you, if you're willing to share here!
Hugs. Sending you blessed memories and many chances to turn that ? into !!!
I’m so happy that your walk was epically awesome. 😎 BTW your friends did a fantastic job filling in for you! Thank them for all of us.
So grateful you and Eric are safely home. What an incredible journey! Your friends are lovely and were a joy!
Welcome back, Nadia. Your friends were all lovely and downright inspirational, but i've missed you heaps.
Thanks, Emily.
I said a few of those lines today. And here they are in your writing. Truly a sign for me. Glad to have you back. Happy you made this trip. Thank you so much for sharing.
Nadia no one has words to describe this trip like you- the pain, the forgiveness , the gift, the oneness, the challenge, the elation, the mercy. Thank you for making the experience so real for those of us who walk our own Caminos each and every day. In our brokenness we find our light as you always remind us.
While you were gone it gave me happiness that you who carry us always were taking time for you and nourishing your love.
Thank you also for the beautiful profound sharing of each online member.
Thank you, Linda!
Dear Nadia,
As someone who was born afraid, my rock would say SAFE! Welcome home Mrs. Eric!
Love,
Kat
Welcome home! My hope is to do the Camino one day, I so look forward to hearing about your adventures ❤️
You have awesome Corner Friends.
Your prayer that none take it back is Holy and frickin beautiful.