This, my first Thanksgiving after leaving prison, I had many expectations. I had a hard pivot when I found out that none of those pre-incarceration Thanksgivings would resemble this one. I will spend the day with no one that is related to me by blood. I am living with people who did not know me prior to June 12th. I am the only person here who has ever cooked a turkey, pie, stuffing, rolls, cranberry sauce, etc. So it is my purpose and pleasure to cook this dinner.
Because I also have that problem, worried to jinx my good fortune, I lean toward a lack of “gratitude”. I don’t want to feel like a “fake” by saying things that are not true or don’t come naturally. But I do get great satisfaction in cooking. I love to see people enjoy my cooking. I think I’m up to the challenge of planning such a big meal. I am grateful for this opportunity to feel valued. Such a rarity in prison, it makes this Thanksgiving my celebration. My cup runners over!
I also love cooking for other people! I'm so glad you're going to get to do that this year. May it nourish your soul as much as you nourish those around the dinner table with you.
Before my son died a little over 5 years ago, I woke every morning with a mantra of "Thank you for this day, let me live my life in a way that would be pleasing to you God". I felt like it set the trajectory of my day in a positive direction. Since that time, it has been so difficult to utter those words, but I am trying. At least I now have moments of acknowledging my blessings.
You have also lived in a prison and learned how to keep your humanity intact. My heart aches for you and I pray that you are blessed throughout this season.
Thank you for your thoughts. It is definitely a life sentence with no chance for parole. I have always been grateful to be the mother of my two sons -- they have taught me so much. I am trying to shift my focus to the life he lived and not just that he died.
Sending comforting, peaceful vibes to you, my dear, from my aching heart to yours. I’ve not lost a child but I have children. To lose one WOULD be life without parole in a prison much worse than any physical location here on earth. The suffering...that’s what I struggle with. The other day, my fiancée and I were watching news and we saw the babies in a defunct hospital in Gaza, most likely going to die. She said, “We need to pray for those babies”. And I was actually MAD and said, “WHY!! WHY DO WE HAVE TO BEG GOD TO SAVE BABIES?!?! Why doesn’t God JUST SAVE BABIES?!?!” I won’t ever understand that. My blind faith is BUSTED and I can only imagine yours must have been (or is), too. At any rate.... here we are. Digging for answers that don’t exist.
Mary Sue, I was never angry with God because I do not believe life operates that way. I believe God was the divine creator and he gave us the ability to make choices and deal with consequences. Things happen which we have no control over, but we are to be the hands and feet, sharing the love of God for others. That is how he saves the babies -- through us. My experience taught me that I was praying 'wrong', God does will good for us so rather than praying for him to save my son, I began to pray for the strength to handle whatever happened. God has walked with me during this soul piercing agony through people and in prayer. I did have to re-evaluate all the things I believed to be true up to that point. You are correct that there are not answers for everything but that is where trust in God's goodness must be relied on as we take each step on the path. Love never dies even when the earthly body no longer exists. I carry a profound love and connection with my son -- I miss him every day to the depths of my soul. BUT, I cannot change what 'is'.
You, my dear, are most generous to answer me in such a kind way. I have in recent days, pondered my message that I posted, feeling that it was selfish. You lost a child… I’ve never had to endure that hell. You don’t know how much I appreciate your thoughts on this topic that I discussed in my post. You are correct… I love “changing the way we pray”. Thank you again again, my dear, for your grace and generosity. 💗💗. Your words are life-changing to me.
Nadia, I’m 45 years in AlAnon....your story and struggle with gratitude speaks clearly. Now, 22 months after my terrific wife finished dying, I have started over in learning gratitude. She told me two days before that “We are not going to call my death unfair”. I’ve held on to that with gratitude because it’s reality. I just mention the thousands of unfair deaths in the Mideast. We had 55.5 years plus 4.
Nov 21, 2023·edited Nov 21, 2023Liked by Nadia Bolz-Weber
I'm grateful that you told me to take Hebrew Bible from Dr. George. Holy God that was a wild, wonderful, brutally difficult ride.
I'm grateful for a terrible fight that I had with my home-mate last week that ended with beautiful reconciliation and also he is moving out.
I'm grateful for my friends who showed up last week to help me gut my son's room and clean it after a "brown water" backflow from the street, up my shower drain, and into his room.
I'm grateful for my ex, who, when we discovered the IRS had been putting my payments toward his bills last week, happily called the IRS and told them to fix it, saving me a serious legal and financial crisis.
I'm grateful for my mechanic, who sold me his old truck last week after I locked up the transmission on my beloved Matrix and discovered the truck I bought to replace it was junk.
All this happened during finals, and I kinda can't believe that I survived it all and managed to do well on my finals. In the midst of it, I sat down in my living room floor and sobbed, and when I finished, I got up and called my community, and they showed up in force. I am so, so grateful.
This morning I am grateful for my mom. She is, as we say in my family, a "piece of work." She's 82 years old and doesn't drive anymore, but she won't let me drive down to D.C. from Upstate to pick her up for visits and she won't fly. So, she arrived last night at 10:30 PM after a 10-hour bus ride raring to chat with liverwurst stashed in her purse. Seriously, how could I not be grateful for that level of unabashed her-ness?
I am Thankful that you acknowledge, on our behalf, how being thankful can be a challenge, especially to the entitled part of ourselves.
It's good to see ME for the truth of who I am.
And to give myself permission to be less than, something different from, what I imagine is "better." When I can relax into my reality and lean into the divine whispers of encouragement blessing it, I am free, and I am becoming.
In learning to deal with my negative self talk, anytime something "bad" happens in my life, I try to immediately list 3 good things. When I accidently bid a job at work that was on grave yard, one of the "positive" things I listed was that I would now find out if I could work nights. Because I took that attitude, I discovered that not only could I work nights, I actually love working nights!
I am thankful for my dog. Deeply, and irrevocably thankful. ( I am 58 and have my first dog. I had no idea about this big fury dog.)
I am thankful that I have been able to get my daughter to her Junior year in college with no student loans. It's been terrifying, but has also made me feel like super woman.
I am thankful for the optimism of morning.
I am thankful for stationary supplies.
I am thankful that I was on the planet with Prince.
I am thankful for my wife. Even when it's hard, and lately it's been hard, but we keep showing up for each other.
I am thankful for the peace that comes with driving in my car alone.
I am thankful for Diet Coke, the nectar of the Goddess.
I am so thankful that a beloved friend went into treatment.
Nov 21, 2023·edited Nov 21, 2023Liked by Nadia Bolz-Weber
Given a caring and decent set of parents who loved me unconditionally. My sobriety (38 yrs) and the happiness it brought my Dad even though he struggled with his alcoholism. My grown sons are two of my best friends. Grateful for my little house and the help I have found in the community to stay afloat in these tough economic times. Finding out the love of my life is a narcissist before I was swallowed whole. (I still love him). Nature, nature, nature! For my front porch that gives me a view of 100 year old trees, all shapes and sizes. For my sister, Jane, who has my back. For all the dogs I have loved over the years, and who made me a better person. For the moon and stars. And lightening bugs.
I’m thankful for my sister Beth who joins me in The Corners, texted me just now about how beautiful your message on gratitude is and will hanging with me Thanksgiving Day. I had to google misanthropy. 😎
I’m grateful when my inbox includes something from the corners. Mostly because your honest, snark writing finds that place in my heart that I try to hide from others.
I am grateful when someone loves or appreciates me for who I am, rather than what I can do...for them. Of course, that means I have to let them in and know they experience me with all of my facets and flaws.
I am grateful to know that practice makes progress, not perfection. So glad I don’t have to be perfect, even tho many wish I made more progress.
I am not grateful that a cold is trying to ruin my plans for getting family together at my house this Thanksgiving. But I and we will honestly deal with it since the family ranges in age from 8 months to 90.
May we all find little moments of joy. And when we do, I hope we take a moment and say thank you to the one who created that little piece of joy and shared it with us.
Thank you Nadia for all your snarky, real pieces of joy.
All I have sounds like the gratitude version of trolling for comfort, but this did happen a few minutes ago. A schoolmate from way back has a daughter who’s succumbing to a horrible cancer and with all the brutality going on in the world, this for some reason has nearly done me in. Her mother has a faith so strong it stuns me - I have no “right” to anxiety attacks, but I’m having them. So a bit ago I was making muffins, and thought about how Friend’s daughter would love to be back in her kitchen making muffins, and then thought, I am grateful to be here living an ordinary life, making muffins. Then I came here and read this post. Thank you. Grateful for that too and thinking I’ll try to see my blessings more clearly.
This, my first Thanksgiving after leaving prison, I had many expectations. I had a hard pivot when I found out that none of those pre-incarceration Thanksgivings would resemble this one. I will spend the day with no one that is related to me by blood. I am living with people who did not know me prior to June 12th. I am the only person here who has ever cooked a turkey, pie, stuffing, rolls, cranberry sauce, etc. So it is my purpose and pleasure to cook this dinner.
Because I also have that problem, worried to jinx my good fortune, I lean toward a lack of “gratitude”. I don’t want to feel like a “fake” by saying things that are not true or don’t come naturally. But I do get great satisfaction in cooking. I love to see people enjoy my cooking. I think I’m up to the challenge of planning such a big meal. I am grateful for this opportunity to feel valued. Such a rarity in prison, it makes this Thanksgiving my celebration. My cup runners over!
Blessings on your first free Thanksgiving Maureen!
I also love cooking for other people! I'm so glad you're going to get to do that this year. May it nourish your soul as much as you nourish those around the dinner table with you.
Thank you. It already has!
What a great first! Even though things aren’t as expected, it sounds like you are grateful for the way they are. Enjoy your day.
Been there, done that. 53 years later I still remember learning to COOK as my first taste of freedom out of the bars. You've got a good start!
https://polistrasmill.com/2023/11/24/simmering-2/
Before my son died a little over 5 years ago, I woke every morning with a mantra of "Thank you for this day, let me live my life in a way that would be pleasing to you God". I felt like it set the trajectory of my day in a positive direction. Since that time, it has been so difficult to utter those words, but I am trying. At least I now have moments of acknowledging my blessings.
You have also lived in a prison and learned how to keep your humanity intact. My heart aches for you and I pray that you are blessed throughout this season.
Grief and gratitude are also a deeply entangled mess for me, too. Praying for you and everyone who loves and misses your son.
I can’t imagine the grief. Big hugs.
Thank you for your thoughts. It is definitely a life sentence with no chance for parole. I have always been grateful to be the mother of my two sons -- they have taught me so much. I am trying to shift my focus to the life he lived and not just that he died.
Sending comforting, peaceful vibes to you, my dear, from my aching heart to yours. I’ve not lost a child but I have children. To lose one WOULD be life without parole in a prison much worse than any physical location here on earth. The suffering...that’s what I struggle with. The other day, my fiancée and I were watching news and we saw the babies in a defunct hospital in Gaza, most likely going to die. She said, “We need to pray for those babies”. And I was actually MAD and said, “WHY!! WHY DO WE HAVE TO BEG GOD TO SAVE BABIES?!?! Why doesn’t God JUST SAVE BABIES?!?!” I won’t ever understand that. My blind faith is BUSTED and I can only imagine yours must have been (or is), too. At any rate.... here we are. Digging for answers that don’t exist.
Mary Sue, I was never angry with God because I do not believe life operates that way. I believe God was the divine creator and he gave us the ability to make choices and deal with consequences. Things happen which we have no control over, but we are to be the hands and feet, sharing the love of God for others. That is how he saves the babies -- through us. My experience taught me that I was praying 'wrong', God does will good for us so rather than praying for him to save my son, I began to pray for the strength to handle whatever happened. God has walked with me during this soul piercing agony through people and in prayer. I did have to re-evaluate all the things I believed to be true up to that point. You are correct that there are not answers for everything but that is where trust in God's goodness must be relied on as we take each step on the path. Love never dies even when the earthly body no longer exists. I carry a profound love and connection with my son -- I miss him every day to the depths of my soul. BUT, I cannot change what 'is'.
You, my dear, are most generous to answer me in such a kind way. I have in recent days, pondered my message that I posted, feeling that it was selfish. You lost a child… I’ve never had to endure that hell. You don’t know how much I appreciate your thoughts on this topic that I discussed in my post. You are correct… I love “changing the way we pray”. Thank you again again, my dear, for your grace and generosity. 💗💗. Your words are life-changing to me.
Nadia, I’m 45 years in AlAnon....your story and struggle with gratitude speaks clearly. Now, 22 months after my terrific wife finished dying, I have started over in learning gratitude. She told me two days before that “We are not going to call my death unfair”. I’ve held on to that with gratitude because it’s reality. I just mention the thousands of unfair deaths in the Mideast. We had 55.5 years plus 4.
I'm grateful that you told me to take Hebrew Bible from Dr. George. Holy God that was a wild, wonderful, brutally difficult ride.
I'm grateful for a terrible fight that I had with my home-mate last week that ended with beautiful reconciliation and also he is moving out.
I'm grateful for my friends who showed up last week to help me gut my son's room and clean it after a "brown water" backflow from the street, up my shower drain, and into his room.
I'm grateful for my ex, who, when we discovered the IRS had been putting my payments toward his bills last week, happily called the IRS and told them to fix it, saving me a serious legal and financial crisis.
I'm grateful for my mechanic, who sold me his old truck last week after I locked up the transmission on my beloved Matrix and discovered the truck I bought to replace it was junk.
All this happened during finals, and I kinda can't believe that I survived it all and managed to do well on my finals. In the midst of it, I sat down in my living room floor and sobbed, and when I finished, I got up and called my community, and they showed up in force. I am so, so grateful.
This morning I am grateful for my mom. She is, as we say in my family, a "piece of work." She's 82 years old and doesn't drive anymore, but she won't let me drive down to D.C. from Upstate to pick her up for visits and she won't fly. So, she arrived last night at 10:30 PM after a 10-hour bus ride raring to chat with liverwurst stashed in her purse. Seriously, how could I not be grateful for that level of unabashed her-ness?
Just enjoying contentment in a quiet way in my forties & a non-exhaustive list of what I’m thankful for.
1. My partner Ruth & her willingness to be up for an adventure at any time
2. My pets.
3. My coworkers in the trauma center ER. Best people in the wildest place.
4. Reading a book in front of my fireplace
5. Hot coffee
6. A trail run/hike
7. Warm soft socks
I am Thankful that you acknowledge, on our behalf, how being thankful can be a challenge, especially to the entitled part of ourselves.
It's good to see ME for the truth of who I am.
And to give myself permission to be less than, something different from, what I imagine is "better." When I can relax into my reality and lean into the divine whispers of encouragement blessing it, I am free, and I am becoming.
I'm thankful for that.
You make that kind of thing available for people.
So, I am thankful for you.
In learning to deal with my negative self talk, anytime something "bad" happens in my life, I try to immediately list 3 good things. When I accidently bid a job at work that was on grave yard, one of the "positive" things I listed was that I would now find out if I could work nights. Because I took that attitude, I discovered that not only could I work nights, I actually love working nights!
Love that!
There's something about being awake when most of the rest everyone is asleep⭐️
I am thankful for my dog. Deeply, and irrevocably thankful. ( I am 58 and have my first dog. I had no idea about this big fury dog.)
I am thankful that I have been able to get my daughter to her Junior year in college with no student loans. It's been terrifying, but has also made me feel like super woman.
I am thankful for the optimism of morning.
I am thankful for stationary supplies.
I am thankful that I was on the planet with Prince.
I am thankful for my wife. Even when it's hard, and lately it's been hard, but we keep showing up for each other.
I am thankful for the peace that comes with driving in my car alone.
I am thankful for Diet Coke, the nectar of the Goddess.
I am so thankful that a beloved friend went into treatment.
I am thankful for Mary Oliver poems.
Given a caring and decent set of parents who loved me unconditionally. My sobriety (38 yrs) and the happiness it brought my Dad even though he struggled with his alcoholism. My grown sons are two of my best friends. Grateful for my little house and the help I have found in the community to stay afloat in these tough economic times. Finding out the love of my life is a narcissist before I was swallowed whole. (I still love him). Nature, nature, nature! For my front porch that gives me a view of 100 year old trees, all shapes and sizes. For my sister, Jane, who has my back. For all the dogs I have loved over the years, and who made me a better person. For the moon and stars. And lightening bugs.
I’m thankful for my sister Beth who joins me in The Corners, texted me just now about how beautiful your message on gratitude is and will hanging with me Thanksgiving Day. I had to google misanthropy. 😎
I also had to Google misanthropy and laughed out loud! Sometimes I have a bit of that too, Nadia!
Your writing on gratitude resonated with me.
For whatever reason I have been singing the blues.
I have been waiting for them to lift
I will try gratitude.
(-:)
Thanks for the reminder.
I am grateful for you.
❤️
I’m grateful when my inbox includes something from the corners. Mostly because your honest, snark writing finds that place in my heart that I try to hide from others.
I am grateful when someone loves or appreciates me for who I am, rather than what I can do...for them. Of course, that means I have to let them in and know they experience me with all of my facets and flaws.
I am grateful to know that practice makes progress, not perfection. So glad I don’t have to be perfect, even tho many wish I made more progress.
I am not grateful that a cold is trying to ruin my plans for getting family together at my house this Thanksgiving. But I and we will honestly deal with it since the family ranges in age from 8 months to 90.
May we all find little moments of joy. And when we do, I hope we take a moment and say thank you to the one who created that little piece of joy and shared it with us.
Thank you Nadia for all your snarky, real pieces of joy.
I’m grateful for my wonderful husband, Bruce Springsteen concerts, and the awesome video you included that made me laugh out loud! I needed that.
I finally got to see Bruce in concert this year- a dream come true. Leslie Jones is hilarious!
I’m thankful I have friends to talk to.
All I have sounds like the gratitude version of trolling for comfort, but this did happen a few minutes ago. A schoolmate from way back has a daughter who’s succumbing to a horrible cancer and with all the brutality going on in the world, this for some reason has nearly done me in. Her mother has a faith so strong it stuns me - I have no “right” to anxiety attacks, but I’m having them. So a bit ago I was making muffins, and thought about how Friend’s daughter would love to be back in her kitchen making muffins, and then thought, I am grateful to be here living an ordinary life, making muffins. Then I came here and read this post. Thank you. Grateful for that too and thinking I’ll try to see my blessings more clearly.