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Asha Sanaker's avatar

This is unbelievably timely. For the last two months I've been working through an unexpected and devastating break-up. I am doing the work-- sitting with all the feelings and not running away or off-ramping compulsively while also keeping my work/creative life moving forward, taking care of my kids, the cats, the house, the garden. But it is consuming 99% of my psychic energy, all day, every day. Just the sheer effort to be present for all the feelings and my relatively tiny life.

Then today I got invited to spend a day at the lake with my recently-former bonus kid's mom and her current husband and their blended family, for swimming and rollerskating and food. They value me and want to continue to be connected to me, even more deeply connected than we were before, even though things fell to shit with bonus kid's dad. What a blessing! But I am anxious about it. Anxious I'll say something awkward because being with all of them wouldn't even be happening if it weren't for him, so he will be present even though he is defiantly not present anymore. Anxious I won't be able to keep my sadness at bay and be a downer. Anxious that it will just be painful, rather than joyful, because I won't be able to get out of my own head.

But I am going anyway, because I have to trust that they invited me knowing which one I am and what I'm going through. That connection is healing. That even if there are awkward or sad moments, it will be okay. That I don't have to stay curled in on myself until I'm capable of putting on my socially-acceptable panties. That I can just show up, whole and imperfect and awkward and real, and perhaps that willingness is the most healing thing of all.

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paula williams's avatar

I went into this pandemic with a husband. While the pandemic isn't "over", my marriage of 31 years sure is. In fact it was on our actual wedding anniversary that he broke the news. It gets better. He did it on a zoom call with our marriage counselor. Said he was looking for joy and I wasn't it. He took a suitcase and moved out. 31 years and he takes 1 suitcase.

He said he doesn't like the woman Ive become and my values don't appeal to him, and he isn't interested in anything that I am. Just celebrated 10 years of sobriety. I had a feeling we were gonna end up here. It's hard to be in an intimate relationship with someone who doesn't have some kind of spiritual practice Who drinks a lot and doesn't want to talk about his feelings. Thats sounds familiar. It's taken me this long to sort of accept it. I'm not thrilled to be in this position. I mean the last time I was looking for love was 4am in the toilet of Smart Bar Chicago in 1989.. So I'm coming out of this global pandemic with new skin, a new lease on life. I don't know what's in store or where I'm headed. I just know that it's gonna blow my silver hair back. Like, a lot! So much in fact, I'll consider some wigs. who knows?? I'm a 55 year old woman living in grace, integrity and humor. And I'll be damned if I'm gonna lose my edge.

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