This year I had some surgeries that resulted in a cancer diagnosis followed by chemo (#2 treatment is Thursday), my 37th AA birthday and the third glorious year enjoying my baby granddaughter. Cancer creates some isolation - not going to my office, staying away from anything in a group or closed environment, no choir, symphony or theatre. I had an appointment with my parish priest a couple of weeks ago and at some point he asked “so who are you?” I said that at the moment I had no idea….all my identifiers stripped away….and I told him I was in the desert. To my surprise he said you are in the desert…and the most importantly thing for you to remember is that you are the beloved daughter of God….focus on that, remind yourself of that. There will be days where you say to yourself “I’m the beloved daughter of God who is in pain, or who is scared, or who is frustrated or fearful, but first is that I’m beloved. I don’t share this stuff generally online but I do here because there might be someone else who needs to hear it. There is healing and hope from this place - and a dependance on God that is necessary. Thank you for the post - the perfect reading for me this morning 🙏🏼💪🏾💜 peace
Erin, I am so glad your priest shared those words with you. I did check out the we situ and found your church very similar to ours St Joan of Arc in Minneapolis. We are blessed to be a part of that community. I will keep you in my prayers for strength and healing.
In my wiser moments, I remember that “I” am a verb - a quivering, dancing collection of energies and familiar pattens intertwined with the energies of the universe. It is my faith that God is the benevolent and loving source from which my atoms and all atoms are born that keeps me humble, open, and hopeful.
Nadia- all you write it true, of course- so gently and authentically written as only you can. Once one has lived a number of years, had a career (mine was teaching grades 8-12), raised children to adulthood, volunteered in a myriad of ways, cooked hundreds of meals and on and on..... one realizes what "I" am not! Sans hair color and makeup, dressed in my overalls (I call "hogsloppers"), dirty hands from gardening, happy in the woods near the trees God made for me and others- I am finally learning who I am- as you said, I am a child of God. And that's more than enough and all I could ever be, despite trying on various "me" masks on the journey to here. Thank you, God, for pulling me along, holding my hand, and making me your child.
I love this, especially your Lakota friend's description that “prayer is the sloughing off of who we are not.” I pictured a snake shedding its old skin, but you mention an onion. Same thing, I guess, but I think a snake is cooler. But do I really want to think of myself as a snake, given the bad rep that snakes have in our sacred writings? On the other hand, I know that I don't want to be an onion either. Ah hell, WHO am I? God's child, I guess. That'll do. That'll do nicely . . . for now.
That word 'sloughing.' I looked it up. One definition: to let go of something no longer required. It's comforting to me that all these identities were at one point required, and in God we release them exactly as soon as we no longer need them. What a patient Parent.
Had to look up in one of my favorite books the dictionary the word sloughing. What an amazing intense word! As both a noun and a verb it works for me! "Sloughing off of who we are not” is indeed invitingly simple. Thank you.
This reminds me of a word that Rabbi Brian threw out recently, for us to consider. The word is "outgrown". The question that comes to me is "what have I outgrown?" And there's a whole lot as I welcome my spiritual evolution. Thanks for mentioning "sloughing off who we are not" anymore.
Thank you! This essay is so timely and spoke deeply to me. So grateful for your openness and willingness and giftedness to share in this space and so grateful to have found you.
I've been thinking on you quoting 1 John 3:2 about being God's children, etc. I rewrote it from where I find myself now: Belov'd, I am God's partner now; what I will be in the future...who knows? I've outgrown or "sloughed off" being a child.
Thank you Nadia, you seem to hit the nail and drive it home. Tidbits needed in my journey through life trying to make a small difference in other people’s lives as I go and I have noticed that if I smile at passing strangers, most of the time they smile back so we both get a warm feeling. 🫶
Reading this Lauryn Hill's "Killing Me Softly With His Song" began playing in my head, and realizing that the "him" here in this song certainly ain't Jesus. No, it's me. So easy to find the one to blame for killing me softly but at the same time not recognizing it is yourself. There's just two options, I think, for justification, and this ain't the one. It seems as if a whole generation was re-writing the gospel much of the time, and to a beat you wanted to dance to sometimes.
This year I had some surgeries that resulted in a cancer diagnosis followed by chemo (#2 treatment is Thursday), my 37th AA birthday and the third glorious year enjoying my baby granddaughter. Cancer creates some isolation - not going to my office, staying away from anything in a group or closed environment, no choir, symphony or theatre. I had an appointment with my parish priest a couple of weeks ago and at some point he asked “so who are you?” I said that at the moment I had no idea….all my identifiers stripped away….and I told him I was in the desert. To my surprise he said you are in the desert…and the most importantly thing for you to remember is that you are the beloved daughter of God….focus on that, remind yourself of that. There will be days where you say to yourself “I’m the beloved daughter of God who is in pain, or who is scared, or who is frustrated or fearful, but first is that I’m beloved. I don’t share this stuff generally online but I do here because there might be someone else who needs to hear it. There is healing and hope from this place - and a dependance on God that is necessary. Thank you for the post - the perfect reading for me this morning 🙏🏼💪🏾💜 peace
Sounds like your priest knows what he's saying. Desert blessings to you, Erin. xo
As Catholic parishes go I am very proud to be part by of padreserra.org - check out the mission statement ♥️ and congratulations on your marriage
Erin, I am so glad your priest shared those words with you. I did check out the we situ and found your church very similar to ours St Joan of Arc in Minneapolis. We are blessed to be a part of that community. I will keep you in my prayers for strength and healing.
In my wiser moments, I remember that “I” am a verb - a quivering, dancing collection of energies and familiar pattens intertwined with the energies of the universe. It is my faith that God is the benevolent and loving source from which my atoms and all atoms are born that keeps me humble, open, and hopeful.
"A quivering, dancing collection of energies." That's beautiful, thank you!
Nadia- all you write it true, of course- so gently and authentically written as only you can. Once one has lived a number of years, had a career (mine was teaching grades 8-12), raised children to adulthood, volunteered in a myriad of ways, cooked hundreds of meals and on and on..... one realizes what "I" am not! Sans hair color and makeup, dressed in my overalls (I call "hogsloppers"), dirty hands from gardening, happy in the woods near the trees God made for me and others- I am finally learning who I am- as you said, I am a child of God. And that's more than enough and all I could ever be, despite trying on various "me" masks on the journey to here. Thank you, God, for pulling me along, holding my hand, and making me your child.
Vicki, I LOVE this. The under-reported joy of being a post-menopausal women is the high level of contentment with ourselves and our lives!
I love this, especially your Lakota friend's description that “prayer is the sloughing off of who we are not.” I pictured a snake shedding its old skin, but you mention an onion. Same thing, I guess, but I think a snake is cooler. But do I really want to think of myself as a snake, given the bad rep that snakes have in our sacred writings? On the other hand, I know that I don't want to be an onion either. Ah hell, WHO am I? God's child, I guess. That'll do. That'll do nicely . . . for now.
for now. Yes.
"no matter how old we are, what we will be is still to come, still unfolding, and still closer to the core."
Thank you for encouraging us to pray.
I'm always only encouraging myself, in a way, but so glad you guys want to overhear me do it!
“prayer is the sloughing off of who we are not”
That word 'sloughing.' I looked it up. One definition: to let go of something no longer required. It's comforting to me that all these identities were at one point required, and in God we release them exactly as soon as we no longer need them. What a patient Parent.
Dear Nadia,
Had to look up in one of my favorite books the dictionary the word sloughing. What an amazing intense word! As both a noun and a verb it works for me! "Sloughing off of who we are not” is indeed invitingly simple. Thank you.
Love,
Kat
As soon as he said it, I knew I wanted to explore what he might have meant by it!
This reminds me of a word that Rabbi Brian threw out recently, for us to consider. The word is "outgrown". The question that comes to me is "what have I outgrown?" And there's a whole lot as I welcome my spiritual evolution. Thanks for mentioning "sloughing off who we are not" anymore.
What a. Beautiful heart and beautiful way to show it. Peace and blessings
Thanks, Bill.
Thank you! This essay is so timely and spoke deeply to me. So grateful for your openness and willingness and giftedness to share in this space and so grateful to have found you.
I've been thinking on you quoting 1 John 3:2 about being God's children, etc. I rewrote it from where I find myself now: Belov'd, I am God's partner now; what I will be in the future...who knows? I've outgrown or "sloughed off" being a child.
“I cling to the hope that the me whom God loves is the me that isn't wearing makeup.”
Amen! What an encouraging thought. I cling to the hope that I will learn to love that me as well.
Thank you!
Snorted my coffee through my nose when I read "the one who isn't wearing makeup." Amen to THAT!
Thank you Nadia, you seem to hit the nail and drive it home. Tidbits needed in my journey through life trying to make a small difference in other people’s lives as I go and I have noticed that if I smile at passing strangers, most of the time they smile back so we both get a warm feeling. 🫶
Reading this Lauryn Hill's "Killing Me Softly With His Song" began playing in my head, and realizing that the "him" here in this song certainly ain't Jesus. No, it's me. So easy to find the one to blame for killing me softly but at the same time not recognizing it is yourself. There's just two options, I think, for justification, and this ain't the one. It seems as if a whole generation was re-writing the gospel much of the time, and to a beat you wanted to dance to sometimes.
Agreed. Love it.
Thanks 🙏 ❤️
Wow, this resonated with me today.. Thank you.