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Thayne's avatar

Something my therapist told me after my divorce: "Clarity is more important than closure." So, keep looking for that clarity. Lose the illusion of closure. That's what keeps me going.

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Bee Reed's avatar

I love the maze analogy. I grew up on a farm, and every year we hosted a Fall Fest that included a big corn maze that took up the better part of a 60-acre field (about 60 football fields). Sometimes people would get nervous that they'd get lost inside. We always gave them the same tip: if you get turned around and are starting to feel desperate, imagine the maze is solid walls and that you've placed your left hand onto the wall to your left. Imagine keeping your hand on that wall at all times, and start walking. Wherever that left wall turns, you turn, even if it is clearly a dead end. By anchoring yourself to the physical structure of the maze in this way and putting one foot in front of the other, you'll eventually reach the end. You might encounter literally every inch of the maze, but eventually it will lead you to the end.

Holy Week and springtime have brought a new wave of grief for me as I continue to process many losses in a short period of time. I'm very much in the maze of memories you wrote of so eloquently. Right now, small and meaningful service commitments (sponsoring others in recovery, tending a grave-garden in a local cemetery, helping my drag family with their shows, etc.) keeps me putting one foot in front of another, while my morning routine of meditation, prayer, and physical movement serves as the wall anchoring me to a direction I am able to go.

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