Who was it, Saint Kathrine Drexel who had a vision of God that said, “I am God and you are not?”
I remember Ash Wednesday last year and I went to church with my husband. It was this gorgeous Catholic Cathedral in Lake Charles, La and it was packed.
It was nice. The homily was nice. The people there. So on and so forth. And as we stand in line for our ashes, I get up to the priest who dips his thumb into the ash and crosses my forehead and says, “Repent and Believe in the Gospel.”
That’s it. That’s all he said.
Yet, I promptly choked up and wept my way out of the church.
It felt like “Repent and Believe in the Gospel” was my “I am God and you are not,” moment and man, how often are things like what you described in your sermon.
We take care of John’s parents, we work, we take care of home stuff and there are days where I’m just on autopilot. Throw VA appointments or flat tires or x where x = some dumb extra bullshit and I feel like I’m going to just crumble.
And I do. I just fly apart. Why? Because I’m too busy trying to be God when I’m simply not qualified for that task.
Well oh my god, this is the first time I have ever read/heard this passage and not felt angst or Baptist childhood baggage guilt about following. I have spent years hearing this passage and often felt guilt for not doing enough; not being enough. But I don’t have to deny my sexuality, my marriage with my wife, my deconstruction, my evolving faith. I don’t have to make sure all of my freaking plates are spinning perfectly up in the air. Slip stream. Nice.
Thank you a thousand times for this perspective. It’s refreshing.
Wow, wow and wow, this is the word my still small voice gave me this morning! I am undone....unravelling.
I've been delving into the Word, searching for the original meaning for years now. (I was made a scholar personality - pray for me!) and I've been puzzling 🤔 over this too.
Is it possible it might carry this meaning as well ?:
Are you willing to leave your small self behind , you know the one who'd rather play quietly in the shadows, and step out of your comfort zone (actually, more like step off a cliff) and risk your worldly reputation to clearly declare what you've decided to stand for (The Gospel) , letting the dominoes of life fall where they will? Letting go of all certainty of where you'd like it to lead to just TRUST ME ?
As I see it then, this is the big question, where the rubber hits the road as they say. Thing is do I know Him enough to follow?? Dare I believe He's who he has revealed himself to be??
Join me as I prepare to launch without a parachute??
I've never been so scared, so invigorated, so scared, so energised, so scared.....😳
Denying ourselves as a way to find rest, that concept is liberating for me. And thank you for speaking into what "carrying our own cross" does not mean, referring to conversion therapy and domestic violence. Hurt and trauma in the Church has been caused by humans deciding what other humans' crosses were without following the heart of Christ. So, thank you. I loved what you shared about following Christ. We're told to follow him. So, of course he's there. Yes. And I find peace in allowing "follow me" to mean follow as in following directions, like following a tutorial or how-to guide, but God is right beside me walking me through the steps. It's not like God gave us the Bible and then left us to figure things out. He is continually with us guiding us in loving each other and loving ourselves. Although, sometimes I gotta admit, I wish his directions were clearer. I feel alone sometimes, like I'm handling things on my own and I'm grumbling. "I guess God didn't come through. So, I guess I'll have to take care of shit on my own." And I feel broken and so frustrated. Then I start seeing that maybe God has been working. I'm still frustrated. I'm still tired as hell. Yet, there's part of me that feels grateful that God includes me in his plan. I'm not a hindrance to God's plan, meant to be constantly carrying shame and evaluating things I've done wrong; my identity, my personality, my quirks are part of God's plan. God lets us work with him and doesn't just dismiss us. That is love.
I love the visual of God always being ahead of us leading the way, offering a rest stop or a bit of coasting while he takes the lead in my life. He is never not in this position even when I cast aside this truth and try going it alone for the millionth time. When I’m ready to engage again with the One who loves me I only need to look one car length ahead for the gentle wave of his loving hand urging me forward.
Blessed are the late bloomers because they will get there, eventually, but most importantly, in their own time. On their own schedule. This late bloomer salutes you Nadia Bolz-Weber!
Pastor Nadia, I'm not sure that I've ever driven in the slip stream of Jesus' Formula 1 race car . . . or picked up my cross . . . or even denied myself for any appreciable length of time in all of my now sixty-seven years on earth. However, I have tried to follow Him, albeit imperfectly, and I'm still trying, and most likely I will be trying still . . . right up to the time that I see Him face to Face, which I do believe that I will. I hope that counts for something. If He welcomed into His Paradise the faithful wretch who called Him "Lord" right before they both died, I gotta believe that He will welcome me too . . . because I'm at least as messed up as that guy was. Ain't I ?
Dear Nadia: Thank you for creating a little opening in my religiously traumatized heart to consider other possibilities for Jesus. I’ve spent decades working too hard to keep the church at a distance. It never occurred to me that perhaps the issue wasn’t about doing it right, but more about doing it easier. I felt the pull of that draft today - kinda nice actually. ❤️
Thank you Nadia….reminding me that denying myself includes denying the fact that I think I have the solution and need to keep on going and instead Jesus has gone before me. He is my strength….
Possibly my favourite bible verse: ‘Come to me those who are heavy laden and I will give you rest.’ I am so very tired of living in this hustle culture and I think collectively we are tired. The idea of having a guide or our own sat nav through life is so comforting. Thank you Nadia - your insight is so needed and appreciated x
Thanks for this sermon. I love the reframe of not indulging in the parts of you that hurt you, the parts that don't listen when you're tired. Deny THOSE parts. Thanks for the reminder to listen and follow.
You are one of the best sub-stack writers I've followed. I'm cancelling most of the authors I've been following, because I've never afforded to be a "paid" subscriber, and I'm tiring of reading the repetitive comments. You reach my soul. God bless you, your family, and your work.
Nadia, I too was a "late bloomer" a single mother who struggled to keep a roof over our head. Sometimes while following Jesus, He not only led, but walked by my side and at times got behind and pushed. It's been an adventure. And sometimes where I thought I was heading -and I did succeed there - but the side trips the Lord brought me on was what brought me even more joy. Who knew that a side job while working for my degree would reward me with exotic trips including a trip to Greece, including some islands like Rhodes and Patmos as well as the ancient Turkish city of Ephesus? I have been thru some dark times, but have been rewarded richly. I do have concerns since my second child is autistic and cannot work and my husband and I are getting on in years. I do what I can, but I trust my son will be in good hands after we are gone.
Who was it, Saint Kathrine Drexel who had a vision of God that said, “I am God and you are not?”
I remember Ash Wednesday last year and I went to church with my husband. It was this gorgeous Catholic Cathedral in Lake Charles, La and it was packed.
It was nice. The homily was nice. The people there. So on and so forth. And as we stand in line for our ashes, I get up to the priest who dips his thumb into the ash and crosses my forehead and says, “Repent and Believe in the Gospel.”
That’s it. That’s all he said.
Yet, I promptly choked up and wept my way out of the church.
It felt like “Repent and Believe in the Gospel” was my “I am God and you are not,” moment and man, how often are things like what you described in your sermon.
We take care of John’s parents, we work, we take care of home stuff and there are days where I’m just on autopilot. Throw VA appointments or flat tires or x where x = some dumb extra bullshit and I feel like I’m going to just crumble.
And I do. I just fly apart. Why? Because I’m too busy trying to be God when I’m simply not qualified for that task.
Thanks for this Nadia.
Well oh my god, this is the first time I have ever read/heard this passage and not felt angst or Baptist childhood baggage guilt about following. I have spent years hearing this passage and often felt guilt for not doing enough; not being enough. But I don’t have to deny my sexuality, my marriage with my wife, my deconstruction, my evolving faith. I don’t have to make sure all of my freaking plates are spinning perfectly up in the air. Slip stream. Nice.
Thank you a thousand times for this perspective. It’s refreshing.
Thank you!
I’m reminded of this poem by Kabir:
I WOULD BE GLAD
You are sitting in a wagon being
drawn by a horse whose
reins you hold.
There are two inside of you
who can steer.
Though most never hand the reins to Me
so they go from place to place the
best they can, though
rarely happy.
And rarely does their whole body laugh
feeling God's poke
in the
ribs.
If you feel tired, dear,
my shoulder is soft,
I'd be glad to
steer a
while.
Wow, wow and wow, this is the word my still small voice gave me this morning! I am undone....unravelling.
I've been delving into the Word, searching for the original meaning for years now. (I was made a scholar personality - pray for me!) and I've been puzzling 🤔 over this too.
Is it possible it might carry this meaning as well ?:
Are you willing to leave your small self behind , you know the one who'd rather play quietly in the shadows, and step out of your comfort zone (actually, more like step off a cliff) and risk your worldly reputation to clearly declare what you've decided to stand for (The Gospel) , letting the dominoes of life fall where they will? Letting go of all certainty of where you'd like it to lead to just TRUST ME ?
As I see it then, this is the big question, where the rubber hits the road as they say. Thing is do I know Him enough to follow?? Dare I believe He's who he has revealed himself to be??
Join me as I prepare to launch without a parachute??
I've never been so scared, so invigorated, so scared, so energised, so scared.....😳
Denying ourselves as a way to find rest, that concept is liberating for me. And thank you for speaking into what "carrying our own cross" does not mean, referring to conversion therapy and domestic violence. Hurt and trauma in the Church has been caused by humans deciding what other humans' crosses were without following the heart of Christ. So, thank you. I loved what you shared about following Christ. We're told to follow him. So, of course he's there. Yes. And I find peace in allowing "follow me" to mean follow as in following directions, like following a tutorial or how-to guide, but God is right beside me walking me through the steps. It's not like God gave us the Bible and then left us to figure things out. He is continually with us guiding us in loving each other and loving ourselves. Although, sometimes I gotta admit, I wish his directions were clearer. I feel alone sometimes, like I'm handling things on my own and I'm grumbling. "I guess God didn't come through. So, I guess I'll have to take care of shit on my own." And I feel broken and so frustrated. Then I start seeing that maybe God has been working. I'm still frustrated. I'm still tired as hell. Yet, there's part of me that feels grateful that God includes me in his plan. I'm not a hindrance to God's plan, meant to be constantly carrying shame and evaluating things I've done wrong; my identity, my personality, my quirks are part of God's plan. God lets us work with him and doesn't just dismiss us. That is love.
I love the visual of God always being ahead of us leading the way, offering a rest stop or a bit of coasting while he takes the lead in my life. He is never not in this position even when I cast aside this truth and try going it alone for the millionth time. When I’m ready to engage again with the One who loves me I only need to look one car length ahead for the gentle wave of his loving hand urging me forward.
Blessed are the late bloomers because they will get there, eventually, but most importantly, in their own time. On their own schedule. This late bloomer salutes you Nadia Bolz-Weber!
Love your thought about drafting off Jesus! Such a vivid image, it all makes that make sense.
Oh dear God, right now I'm in need of your tow truck, not your slip stream.
Pastor Nadia, I'm not sure that I've ever driven in the slip stream of Jesus' Formula 1 race car . . . or picked up my cross . . . or even denied myself for any appreciable length of time in all of my now sixty-seven years on earth. However, I have tried to follow Him, albeit imperfectly, and I'm still trying, and most likely I will be trying still . . . right up to the time that I see Him face to Face, which I do believe that I will. I hope that counts for something. If He welcomed into His Paradise the faithful wretch who called Him "Lord" right before they both died, I gotta believe that He will welcome me too . . . because I'm at least as messed up as that guy was. Ain't I ?
Dear Nadia: Thank you for creating a little opening in my religiously traumatized heart to consider other possibilities for Jesus. I’ve spent decades working too hard to keep the church at a distance. It never occurred to me that perhaps the issue wasn’t about doing it right, but more about doing it easier. I felt the pull of that draft today - kinda nice actually. ❤️
Thank you Nadia….reminding me that denying myself includes denying the fact that I think I have the solution and need to keep on going and instead Jesus has gone before me. He is my strength….
Possibly my favourite bible verse: ‘Come to me those who are heavy laden and I will give you rest.’ I am so very tired of living in this hustle culture and I think collectively we are tired. The idea of having a guide or our own sat nav through life is so comforting. Thank you Nadia - your insight is so needed and appreciated x
Thanks for this sermon. I love the reframe of not indulging in the parts of you that hurt you, the parts that don't listen when you're tired. Deny THOSE parts. Thanks for the reminder to listen and follow.
You are one of the best sub-stack writers I've followed. I'm cancelling most of the authors I've been following, because I've never afforded to be a "paid" subscriber, and I'm tiring of reading the repetitive comments. You reach my soul. God bless you, your family, and your work.
Nadia, I too was a "late bloomer" a single mother who struggled to keep a roof over our head. Sometimes while following Jesus, He not only led, but walked by my side and at times got behind and pushed. It's been an adventure. And sometimes where I thought I was heading -and I did succeed there - but the side trips the Lord brought me on was what brought me even more joy. Who knew that a side job while working for my degree would reward me with exotic trips including a trip to Greece, including some islands like Rhodes and Patmos as well as the ancient Turkish city of Ephesus? I have been thru some dark times, but have been rewarded richly. I do have concerns since my second child is autistic and cannot work and my husband and I are getting on in years. I do what I can, but I trust my son will be in good hands after we are gone.