The Stockdale Paradox is real. Three years ago, my inability to grasp that concept led me down a path of hopelessness, despair and intense struggles with suicide.
Thank you for putting so beautifully in words the very thing I have been feeling. I'm generally a positive person; living with metastatic cancer has shaped me into always doing my best to be hopeful and uplifting. But lately I've been struggling with some very negative emotions and thoughts, feeling so sad and despondent, and I didn't like the path I was heading down. Then I started to think as you did, that no matter what, we will prevail. God knows the number of my days, and I really don't want to waste those days in worry, in sucking out all the joy that I could be experiencing. So I went for a long drive into the countryside. Stayed in my car all the time, but it was a glorious day and breathing the fragrant air and feeling the sunshine on my arms was the tonic I needed. Really helped to turn my emotions around. Yes, indeed, we will prevail.
Yikes. Hard times all around. The last 10 years have been a variation of manic-depressive hell for me. I thought it was over. I thought I would leave the hurt in my twenties. Instead we got a pandemic. The hell no longer comes predominately from within (though that fountain is strong), still, it is simply another version of the unpredictable. But, you're right. What we have is today. One. Fucking. Day. At. A. Time.
Nadia, THIS is what I needed for my new mindset. Thank you for sharing this. I want to shout this nugget of wisdom from the rooftop to Everyone because most of us keep asking how to cope with the longevity of this. I needed to be reminded that God does have an everlasting well of creativity, etc. I picked creativity because it is my go-to. And thank you for saying that it will never end. The well of creativity will never run dry. So I will keep creating because God/Spirit is still on the Throne. And isn't it always those who have endured great suffering and social injustices that come back with the most profound truths that I'm sure they scratched their way metaphorically if not literally too. I hear the Rohrian in my talking now! Ah! Rohr will smile at your post!
Thank you for this. I am so depressed at times I feel like I am not going to survive this. I try my damnedest to get a routine down. But, it hasn't worked. I've tried to spend time reading. I have some great books I want to read. I can't concentrate enough to read more than a page or two (if that much). That is partly due to not sleeping well and my eyes getting tired quickly. Anticipating an eye doctor appt. that has been pushed out once so far.
I don't want to live in fear, but I am quite fearful. Not about getting sick. But about being alone without the handful of people I know love me. I want today to be enough, but it isn't. I don't know how to get there. (FYI I do have a counselor that I am having phone call sessions with every other week). I saved your message so I can listen to it again. Daily if need be. I am sure it's what I need to hear repeatedly right now.
I will always be an optimists, but I understand the need to not plan on events just yet, this is a serious world these days and it is truly one day at a time. Thank you for your thoughts😉
Not a shitty week, just . . . blah. Loneliness was an issue before, and that certainly hasn't abated. Without structure, I seem to stretch out like a blob; continually struggle to recreate boundaries, and struggle w/ getting disgusted at my lack of success. So appreciate your reminders. One of the insights I've held on to for years is from one of my favorite authors, Gerald May - the difference between hope and expectation. Luther talks about not 'naming the help,' but leaving it to 'God's good pleasure how, where and by what means [He] shall help them.' Hope is something that can't be grasped; otherwise we would domesticate it. Thank you for this, and blessings to all, this day and always.
I read Good to Great years ago and forgot about the Stockdale paradox. My Dad was an alcoholic and a long time AA member. His mantra was ‘One day at a time’. He tried his best to live that. During this time I am reminded of his strength. I also remember he spent 4 years in this South Pacific in WWII and so a few weeks or months of minor inconvenience is really no big deal. Thanks, Dad!
I have desperately needed this word. Thank you. I've been so mad at the optimists and my own worrying, that it's been hard not to numb.
Wow you get what you need when you need it... thanks!
I sure needed to hear this today after reading the Times first thing. Instead I think I’ll read this first thing every morning. Thank you!
Great idea!
The Stockdale Paradox is real. Three years ago, my inability to grasp that concept led me down a path of hopelessness, despair and intense struggles with suicide.
Thank you for putting so beautifully in words the very thing I have been feeling. I'm generally a positive person; living with metastatic cancer has shaped me into always doing my best to be hopeful and uplifting. But lately I've been struggling with some very negative emotions and thoughts, feeling so sad and despondent, and I didn't like the path I was heading down. Then I started to think as you did, that no matter what, we will prevail. God knows the number of my days, and I really don't want to waste those days in worry, in sucking out all the joy that I could be experiencing. So I went for a long drive into the countryside. Stayed in my car all the time, but it was a glorious day and breathing the fragrant air and feeling the sunshine on my arms was the tonic I needed. Really helped to turn my emotions around. Yes, indeed, we will prevail.
You are always able to put into words what I’m thinking. Thanks for what you do.
Yikes. Hard times all around. The last 10 years have been a variation of manic-depressive hell for me. I thought it was over. I thought I would leave the hurt in my twenties. Instead we got a pandemic. The hell no longer comes predominately from within (though that fountain is strong), still, it is simply another version of the unpredictable. But, you're right. What we have is today. One. Fucking. Day. At. A. Time.
Been crying on and off all day. Really missing my mama. She’s been gone 2 1/2 years now. Thanks for sharing, and happy Mother’s Day. God Bless you, -k
Nadia, THIS is what I needed for my new mindset. Thank you for sharing this. I want to shout this nugget of wisdom from the rooftop to Everyone because most of us keep asking how to cope with the longevity of this. I needed to be reminded that God does have an everlasting well of creativity, etc. I picked creativity because it is my go-to. And thank you for saying that it will never end. The well of creativity will never run dry. So I will keep creating because God/Spirit is still on the Throne. And isn't it always those who have endured great suffering and social injustices that come back with the most profound truths that I'm sure they scratched their way metaphorically if not literally too. I hear the Rohrian in my talking now! Ah! Rohr will smile at your post!
Happy Mother's Day Nadia! sending virtual hugs!
Thank you for this. I am so depressed at times I feel like I am not going to survive this. I try my damnedest to get a routine down. But, it hasn't worked. I've tried to spend time reading. I have some great books I want to read. I can't concentrate enough to read more than a page or two (if that much). That is partly due to not sleeping well and my eyes getting tired quickly. Anticipating an eye doctor appt. that has been pushed out once so far.
I don't want to live in fear, but I am quite fearful. Not about getting sick. But about being alone without the handful of people I know love me. I want today to be enough, but it isn't. I don't know how to get there. (FYI I do have a counselor that I am having phone call sessions with every other week). I saved your message so I can listen to it again. Daily if need be. I am sure it's what I need to hear repeatedly right now.
Hanging in there together. Peace.
I will always be an optimists, but I understand the need to not plan on events just yet, this is a serious world these days and it is truly one day at a time. Thank you for your thoughts😉
Wow! Thanks for this message as we all go thru these stages of grief differently.
Not a shitty week, just . . . blah. Loneliness was an issue before, and that certainly hasn't abated. Without structure, I seem to stretch out like a blob; continually struggle to recreate boundaries, and struggle w/ getting disgusted at my lack of success. So appreciate your reminders. One of the insights I've held on to for years is from one of my favorite authors, Gerald May - the difference between hope and expectation. Luther talks about not 'naming the help,' but leaving it to 'God's good pleasure how, where and by what means [He] shall help them.' Hope is something that can't be grasped; otherwise we would domesticate it. Thank you for this, and blessings to all, this day and always.
Necessary wisdom. Thank you, Nadia.
I read Good to Great years ago and forgot about the Stockdale paradox. My Dad was an alcoholic and a long time AA member. His mantra was ‘One day at a time’. He tried his best to live that. During this time I am reminded of his strength. I also remember he spent 4 years in this South Pacific in WWII and so a few weeks or months of minor inconvenience is really no big deal. Thanks, Dad!