Dear God, My heart is a mess. There’s just more suffering and loss and fear in the world than it can hold right now. Help me not let in so much news that I have to put the “closed” sign up in the door of my heart, because my family and friends need it to stay open.
I have a neurological disability that causes my body and hands and voice to shake, which gives me a lot of anxiety and causes my heart to shake. Thank you for reminding me. It is not my soul that is shaking. You are a dear one Nadia.
Nov 27, 2023·edited Nov 27, 2023Liked by Nadia Bolz-Weber
I used to say I had a kintsugi heart that had become a heart of gold, it had been broken and repaired so often. During the last 4 years of caring for my spouse with dementia, it kept shattering during the long goodbye. I thought I would be through with such destruction once he died. Instead, I am just entering my 24th month without him and it seems that my heart, like the liver of Prometheus, grows back every night only to realize every morning that it is alone so it can break all over again.
Yes, dear Nadia...mine is also a mess today. Breaking and bleeding for the attack on three Palestinian students in VT this weekend. My heart longs for peace in a world where blood brothers are hell-bent on destroying one another. If only Isaac and Ishmael had been girls. This would be been a cat fight with some hair-pulling and name-calling...and it would have been over centuries ago.
I write this, ironically, as “Do You Hear What I Hear?” plays on my Spotify. What I want to hear is “The Sound of Silence.” No more bombs, no more blood-curdling cries, no more.
My heart needed to hear this today. I am Palestinian and still have family in parts of the west bank. And seeing the destruction for the last 51 days has been so hard and so heavy. I feel like my heart is on the attack. Needed this prayer today
My heart is wobbling today. About 2 weeks ago, I turned in a letter to my Department Head saying that I would be retiring at the end of the semester. I am not sure I did the right thing, so that accounts for the wobble.
Timely post, as always. Today is the 6th anniversary of my son Joel’s passing. We lost him to the addiction he fought so hard. I wonder when the good memories overtake the regrets. I am grateful for my friendship with God - perfectly stated, Nadia. He just sits with me and asks so little of my broken heart.
Heavy heart. I feel for those boys that are injured in Burlington too. It’s only a an hour from where I live. Vermont! But the hatred is everywhere. And as you write so beautifully if I’m not careful my heart can be messy and spill out on people that I love and don’t love. I get great hope now that we are seeing a turning into something greater. We will either turn toward love or destroy each other. I’m hoping for the turn.
It is so encouraging to remember that our soul is not affected by everything else going on in our lives. As my husband was dying of cancer, one of his last journal entries was, "My soul does not have cancer."
Well my I guess my heart was already a mess. I’m dealing with immense loss. Not more than anybody else. I just don’t know how to protect God’s presence in my life yet and so my loss feels profound again. I wish I knew the right way to tell this to my priest succinctly. This piece goes a long way to doing so.
Tired. Like you I feel overwhelmed by the pain and ugliness in the world, and the struggles of those close to me. I’m not sure where to put it all since my heart is definitely taxed. “Do more”, I hear in my head, but I don’t think that is the answer. A reply from my Catholic upbringing just came to mind: Lay it all at the feet of Jesus. It sounds awfully pious and Pre-Vatican II, but it also sounds comforting. And like it may enable me to love and support those in my life with a lighter touch.
Divided. I have two adult sons who can’t be in the same room with each other because one is gay and the other is evangelical. Both want my love and support for themselves but not for the other person. I do not love that way. I feel like I have to divide my family and divide my heart.
I have a neurological disability that causes my body and hands and voice to shake, which gives me a lot of anxiety and causes my heart to shake. Thank you for reminding me. It is not my soul that is shaking. You are a dear one Nadia.
I used to say I had a kintsugi heart that had become a heart of gold, it had been broken and repaired so often. During the last 4 years of caring for my spouse with dementia, it kept shattering during the long goodbye. I thought I would be through with such destruction once he died. Instead, I am just entering my 24th month without him and it seems that my heart, like the liver of Prometheus, grows back every night only to realize every morning that it is alone so it can break all over again.
Yes, dear Nadia...mine is also a mess today. Breaking and bleeding for the attack on three Palestinian students in VT this weekend. My heart longs for peace in a world where blood brothers are hell-bent on destroying one another. If only Isaac and Ishmael had been girls. This would be been a cat fight with some hair-pulling and name-calling...and it would have been over centuries ago.
I write this, ironically, as “Do You Hear What I Hear?” plays on my Spotify. What I want to hear is “The Sound of Silence.” No more bombs, no more blood-curdling cries, no more.
But sometimes, sometimes I’m surprised by my heart.
It can be more deeply in love than I ever knew possible.
It can increasingly be gladdened by simple things I used to ignore.
It can hurt for people I don’t even like very much.
It can heal from things I used to think would destroy it.
It can long for you, God. But in ways that look less like piety and more like friendship.
Mic Drop moment - LOVE THIS. What is my word for my heart? Resilient - still trying.
My heart needed to hear this today. I am Palestinian and still have family in parts of the west bank. And seeing the destruction for the last 51 days has been so hard and so heavy. I feel like my heart is on the attack. Needed this prayer today
My heart is wobbling today. About 2 weeks ago, I turned in a letter to my Department Head saying that I would be retiring at the end of the semester. I am not sure I did the right thing, so that accounts for the wobble.
Timely post, as always. Today is the 6th anniversary of my son Joel’s passing. We lost him to the addiction he fought so hard. I wonder when the good memories overtake the regrets. I am grateful for my friendship with God - perfectly stated, Nadia. He just sits with me and asks so little of my broken heart.
Heavy, especially for the little children caught up in the war between Israel and Gaza.
Heavy heart. I feel for those boys that are injured in Burlington too. It’s only a an hour from where I live. Vermont! But the hatred is everywhere. And as you write so beautifully if I’m not careful my heart can be messy and spill out on people that I love and don’t love. I get great hope now that we are seeing a turning into something greater. We will either turn toward love or destroy each other. I’m hoping for the turn.
My heart is tired. So, very, tired.
It is so encouraging to remember that our soul is not affected by everything else going on in our lives. As my husband was dying of cancer, one of his last journal entries was, "My soul does not have cancer."
Bruised is a good word. Heartsore is another, not often used, but a good descriptor.
Well my I guess my heart was already a mess. I’m dealing with immense loss. Not more than anybody else. I just don’t know how to protect God’s presence in my life yet and so my loss feels profound again. I wish I knew the right way to tell this to my priest succinctly. This piece goes a long way to doing so.
Stretched
Tired. Like you I feel overwhelmed by the pain and ugliness in the world, and the struggles of those close to me. I’m not sure where to put it all since my heart is definitely taxed. “Do more”, I hear in my head, but I don’t think that is the answer. A reply from my Catholic upbringing just came to mind: Lay it all at the feet of Jesus. It sounds awfully pious and Pre-Vatican II, but it also sounds comforting. And like it may enable me to love and support those in my life with a lighter touch.
Divided. I have two adult sons who can’t be in the same room with each other because one is gay and the other is evangelical. Both want my love and support for themselves but not for the other person. I do not love that way. I feel like I have to divide my family and divide my heart.