I totally get what you went through in school. I was always the short kid, as if that's the only thing that people could see about me. As if somehow that makes me less of a person... I'll never forget in jr high every single person that signed my yearbook had to write some smart ass comment like " hopefully this summer you'll grow taller" or something similar. I've been tempted many times to burn that yearbook but never have LOL.... All except one girl who went to my church and we were in confirmation class together. Funny how after all these years I still remember her kind words and my anger over being marginalized for my height. I guess though things happen for a reason and it reminds me how kind words can actually effect people and to this day I try to be kind as a result. That girl is still my friend, and still the same kind, sweet person she was so many years ago. The down side I still don't like the ones who harassed me .. I've got a real problem with forgiving .. I don't know if its a ego thing, or just being hard headed and stubborn or what the problem is .. I tired but if I'm going to be totally honest deep down I don't think I really want to forgive them, or that they deserve to be forgiven why did they have to be so mean ? Im the type of person who tries to treat others as I want to be treated... I've heard all the " just forgive yourself and let it go and all that supposed good advice", prayed about it. But so far it's not working. It' ridiculous to hold on to a grudge for so long but here I am still doing it. Wondering Nadia when did you forgive those that made life miserable for you in school. And if so how the hell did you do it?
I’m not Nadia (obviously), but can’t help but react because your story could’ve been mine. Well, other than the fact that I’m female and live in the Netherlands, that is. I was/am really short. I also happened to be one of the smartest kids in the class. So that was pretty much a double whammy when it came to attracting bullies.
For years I built a huge wall around me to keep everyone at a safe distance, and those who dared to come closer usually risked some snide comment that chased them off again. I was a master in hurting others before they could hurt me. In the end, I realized that by chasing others away I was punishing the wrong people and possibly missing out on connections that were worth the effort. It didn’t come easy, and I had a lot of help from a psychologist that taught me about boundaries, personal space and things like that (I come from a rather dysfunctional family, so missed some pointers there too). How I finally managed to forgive them, is by realizing that by holding on to my grudges (and boy, do I know how to hold on to those!) I was punishing myself way more than I was hurting them. So about 10 years after I graduated - I’m 48 now, so some time has passed since – I made a conscious effort to forgive them. I did it in a “witchy” way, since I was more into wicca than Christianity back then, but it worked for me.
Am I totally free of the pain they caused me? No, I’m not. Possibly never will be, either. But I also no longer let it define me and, more important, I no longer feel I’m less worthy than others because I was told that for so long.
thks Linda sorry that you had to go through all that crap too. I always thought it was weird that people had to comment about my height .. Like I didn't know it already! ha... I guess we'll always have that anger deep down . and like you I will not let it define me or make me feel less worthy. They always say anyone that has to put others down is the one that has a problem if they have to build them selves up that way. So yeah for us! not letting it completely screw up our lives. And like I said there was something I learnt from it and tried to never be like that .. so at least I did get that out of it. If you'd like to share so are you a Christian now ? And if so what was your journey? and how did you find Nadia? And the Netherlands? I've never been there, but always thought if I went I'd like to visit Anne Franks hiding place, the stories of WW2 and the Jewish situation with the Nazi's and all, although horrifying, and hard to believe, and how hate can make people so evil is a powerful lesson, and sadly still goes on today.
So sorry to get back to you so late, but between work and taking care of my elderly in-laws it's been kinda busy. But anyway, to answer your questions: I found Nadia more or less by accident when I was browsing a Dutch website and saw part of a speech she did at a Christian festival over here. I liked her style and figured I'd read her books too. Those made me laugh and cry and realize I'm not the only one that sees Christianity the way I do.
As for my journey back to Christianity, it's been a rocky one. I was raised Catholic and went to church weekly (and twice on holy days) my entire childhood. However by the time I was 14 or so, it was pretty clear to me that the teachings of the church were pretty much incompatible with my view on things like homosexuality, abortion (and later euthanasia, which is legal here). So I left and figured I'd look into other forms of spirituality and go from there. But even though I love the Hindu religion of my best friend, and I really like the rituals in the pagan religions, I didn't "feel" it. God apparently refused to leave me alone :)
My faith in God is pretty strong, however I do not go to church. Why? Because I'm too fond of the Catholic liturgy and church buildings to be happy in another denomination, and way too liberal to be a Catholic.
ok lets try it again.... LOL Ive always been Lutheran was LCMS Lutheran Church Missouri Synod most of my life, very conservative branch of the Lutheran church .. my daughter went to Lutheran High School 4 yrs and then went to a Lutheran collage in Chicago she wanted to teach religion in a Lutheran High School but once she got there she was told Women cant teach religion class in the LCMS. everyone knew that what she wanted to do but no one told us that it wasn't allowed. that was the first thing that made me wonder about my church, I was in the minority at church as well liberal .. anyway daughter got married it was a bad marriage he was verbally abusive big time and she went to our Pastor for counseling and was basically told " things have a way of working out, just give it a couple more years! and here we are freaking out hoping it wont turn physical which I read it usually does, that was the second thing. she didn't take his (Pastors ) advice and got a divorce. she remarried to a guy with 5 kids and her 2 she couldn't find a LCMS church she like in her new town so she tried a ELCA Lutheran church and that is what Nadia is .. very liberal, women pastors, very welcoming and all about Gods love .. long story short she joined got her step kids baptized. and we went and it was love at first sight.. a woman pastor who gave the most heart felt, amazing sermons, she also had the singing voice of an angel we joined and have loved it . I know you mean about the liturgy it's almost the same as in our old church and I've been told very close to Catholic liturgy . You should maybe try it some time. Do you have very many Lutheran Church's in your country?
We have (I googled it, because I had no idea) 55 Evangelical-Lutheran churches in the Netherlands, with around 14,000 members in total. On a population of about 17 million that’s a really small percentage, as you can see. I don’t think I have a Lutheran church in my town. I live in a mid-size town (100,000 people) where there are 2 Evangelical churches (the “happy clappy” kind), a Baptist church, 2 Roman Catholic churches, 4 Reformed churches and 1 Remonstrants church, among other smaller denominations (and of course temples and mosques too)..
The church that draws me most is the Old-Catholic one (which is a very liberal one, kinda like ELCA I think), but unfortunately that’s such a small denomination (not even 5,000 people in the entire country) that there’s no church near me. That’s fine though. I listen to a service online if I want to. Also: I’m not really someone that needs a community. I’m the introverted loner type of person, so I’m happiest on my own or in a very small group of people.
Another thing is that my country is very secular so going to church isn’t something people do a lot. Around 70% is not religious at all, and maybe 8% go to church weekly, if that. And those that go weekly are more often than not 70 years or older. So I make do with what works for me, which is a little of everything. I read the Bible, pray the rosary (ha, I clearly can’t escape my Roman Catholic roots) and try to catch a church service online regularly. It may not be everyone’s choice, but it’s what fits me best right now.
I can hardly wait to listen to this podcast. However, I must stop right now and tell you, your intro made me weep. My eyes did not get hot with tears and a singular teardrop rolled down my face ... I mean WEEP. It touched so deeply in my heart and soul and pricked feelings I would have sworn I long ago had dealt with. Apparently, I had buried them so deep, I thought they were a non-issue. But I was wrong and I want to thank you for your honest, authentic transparency and specifically for saying ... "It seems to me that as long as we can’t face the painful truth or the shame-filled truth, or the sad truth from our past, it seems that that truth doesn't disappear—it just defines, often unfairly, how we react to other people." Now in the light of day I can easily see how these suppressed emotions and unhealed wounds dictate how I act, react and interact with people and how I fail to allow them to love me. They release love to me and I am incapable of accepting it often times. Thank you for turning on that light bulb for me. Thank. You.
There is a part in the movie The Godfather(Godfather II is my favorite, with young Vito played by Robert D) where Michael Corleone is persuaded by a catholic priest to confess. BFD for Michael C . he feels he is beyond redemption he is the OG badass! I still get chills when I hear the priest tell Michael. "The urge to confess can be overwhelming". It's still too much for me. Someday I hope I can tell someone everything. Thank you Mx Nadia.
I totally get what you went through in school. I was always the short kid, as if that's the only thing that people could see about me. As if somehow that makes me less of a person... I'll never forget in jr high every single person that signed my yearbook had to write some smart ass comment like " hopefully this summer you'll grow taller" or something similar. I've been tempted many times to burn that yearbook but never have LOL.... All except one girl who went to my church and we were in confirmation class together. Funny how after all these years I still remember her kind words and my anger over being marginalized for my height. I guess though things happen for a reason and it reminds me how kind words can actually effect people and to this day I try to be kind as a result. That girl is still my friend, and still the same kind, sweet person she was so many years ago. The down side I still don't like the ones who harassed me .. I've got a real problem with forgiving .. I don't know if its a ego thing, or just being hard headed and stubborn or what the problem is .. I tired but if I'm going to be totally honest deep down I don't think I really want to forgive them, or that they deserve to be forgiven why did they have to be so mean ? Im the type of person who tries to treat others as I want to be treated... I've heard all the " just forgive yourself and let it go and all that supposed good advice", prayed about it. But so far it's not working. It' ridiculous to hold on to a grudge for so long but here I am still doing it. Wondering Nadia when did you forgive those that made life miserable for you in school. And if so how the hell did you do it?
I’m not Nadia (obviously), but can’t help but react because your story could’ve been mine. Well, other than the fact that I’m female and live in the Netherlands, that is. I was/am really short. I also happened to be one of the smartest kids in the class. So that was pretty much a double whammy when it came to attracting bullies.
For years I built a huge wall around me to keep everyone at a safe distance, and those who dared to come closer usually risked some snide comment that chased them off again. I was a master in hurting others before they could hurt me. In the end, I realized that by chasing others away I was punishing the wrong people and possibly missing out on connections that were worth the effort. It didn’t come easy, and I had a lot of help from a psychologist that taught me about boundaries, personal space and things like that (I come from a rather dysfunctional family, so missed some pointers there too). How I finally managed to forgive them, is by realizing that by holding on to my grudges (and boy, do I know how to hold on to those!) I was punishing myself way more than I was hurting them. So about 10 years after I graduated - I’m 48 now, so some time has passed since – I made a conscious effort to forgive them. I did it in a “witchy” way, since I was more into wicca than Christianity back then, but it worked for me.
Am I totally free of the pain they caused me? No, I’m not. Possibly never will be, either. But I also no longer let it define me and, more important, I no longer feel I’m less worthy than others because I was told that for so long.
thks Linda sorry that you had to go through all that crap too. I always thought it was weird that people had to comment about my height .. Like I didn't know it already! ha... I guess we'll always have that anger deep down . and like you I will not let it define me or make me feel less worthy. They always say anyone that has to put others down is the one that has a problem if they have to build them selves up that way. So yeah for us! not letting it completely screw up our lives. And like I said there was something I learnt from it and tried to never be like that .. so at least I did get that out of it. If you'd like to share so are you a Christian now ? And if so what was your journey? and how did you find Nadia? And the Netherlands? I've never been there, but always thought if I went I'd like to visit Anne Franks hiding place, the stories of WW2 and the Jewish situation with the Nazi's and all, although horrifying, and hard to believe, and how hate can make people so evil is a powerful lesson, and sadly still goes on today.
So sorry to get back to you so late, but between work and taking care of my elderly in-laws it's been kinda busy. But anyway, to answer your questions: I found Nadia more or less by accident when I was browsing a Dutch website and saw part of a speech she did at a Christian festival over here. I liked her style and figured I'd read her books too. Those made me laugh and cry and realize I'm not the only one that sees Christianity the way I do.
As for my journey back to Christianity, it's been a rocky one. I was raised Catholic and went to church weekly (and twice on holy days) my entire childhood. However by the time I was 14 or so, it was pretty clear to me that the teachings of the church were pretty much incompatible with my view on things like homosexuality, abortion (and later euthanasia, which is legal here). So I left and figured I'd look into other forms of spirituality and go from there. But even though I love the Hindu religion of my best friend, and I really like the rituals in the pagan religions, I didn't "feel" it. God apparently refused to leave me alone :)
My faith in God is pretty strong, however I do not go to church. Why? Because I'm too fond of the Catholic liturgy and church buildings to be happy in another denomination, and way too liberal to be a Catholic.
Have a good day!
Linda, I'll reply just so mad right now LOL I wrote a big long reply and I wasn't logged in and somehow it got erased hate when that happens..
ok lets try it again.... LOL Ive always been Lutheran was LCMS Lutheran Church Missouri Synod most of my life, very conservative branch of the Lutheran church .. my daughter went to Lutheran High School 4 yrs and then went to a Lutheran collage in Chicago she wanted to teach religion in a Lutheran High School but once she got there she was told Women cant teach religion class in the LCMS. everyone knew that what she wanted to do but no one told us that it wasn't allowed. that was the first thing that made me wonder about my church, I was in the minority at church as well liberal .. anyway daughter got married it was a bad marriage he was verbally abusive big time and she went to our Pastor for counseling and was basically told " things have a way of working out, just give it a couple more years! and here we are freaking out hoping it wont turn physical which I read it usually does, that was the second thing. she didn't take his (Pastors ) advice and got a divorce. she remarried to a guy with 5 kids and her 2 she couldn't find a LCMS church she like in her new town so she tried a ELCA Lutheran church and that is what Nadia is .. very liberal, women pastors, very welcoming and all about Gods love .. long story short she joined got her step kids baptized. and we went and it was love at first sight.. a woman pastor who gave the most heart felt, amazing sermons, she also had the singing voice of an angel we joined and have loved it . I know you mean about the liturgy it's almost the same as in our old church and I've been told very close to Catholic liturgy . You should maybe try it some time. Do you have very many Lutheran Church's in your country?
We have (I googled it, because I had no idea) 55 Evangelical-Lutheran churches in the Netherlands, with around 14,000 members in total. On a population of about 17 million that’s a really small percentage, as you can see. I don’t think I have a Lutheran church in my town. I live in a mid-size town (100,000 people) where there are 2 Evangelical churches (the “happy clappy” kind), a Baptist church, 2 Roman Catholic churches, 4 Reformed churches and 1 Remonstrants church, among other smaller denominations (and of course temples and mosques too)..
The church that draws me most is the Old-Catholic one (which is a very liberal one, kinda like ELCA I think), but unfortunately that’s such a small denomination (not even 5,000 people in the entire country) that there’s no church near me. That’s fine though. I listen to a service online if I want to. Also: I’m not really someone that needs a community. I’m the introverted loner type of person, so I’m happiest on my own or in a very small group of people.
Another thing is that my country is very secular so going to church isn’t something people do a lot. Around 70% is not religious at all, and maybe 8% go to church weekly, if that. And those that go weekly are more often than not 70 years or older. So I make do with what works for me, which is a little of everything. I read the Bible, pray the rosary (ha, I clearly can’t escape my Roman Catholic roots) and try to catch a church service online regularly. It may not be everyone’s choice, but it’s what fits me best right now.
Have a good Pentecost weekend!
Linda
I can hardly wait to listen to this podcast. However, I must stop right now and tell you, your intro made me weep. My eyes did not get hot with tears and a singular teardrop rolled down my face ... I mean WEEP. It touched so deeply in my heart and soul and pricked feelings I would have sworn I long ago had dealt with. Apparently, I had buried them so deep, I thought they were a non-issue. But I was wrong and I want to thank you for your honest, authentic transparency and specifically for saying ... "It seems to me that as long as we can’t face the painful truth or the shame-filled truth, or the sad truth from our past, it seems that that truth doesn't disappear—it just defines, often unfairly, how we react to other people." Now in the light of day I can easily see how these suppressed emotions and unhealed wounds dictate how I act, react and interact with people and how I fail to allow them to love me. They release love to me and I am incapable of accepting it often times. Thank you for turning on that light bulb for me. Thank. You.
“I had been attracting people like me all along. I was just too arrogant or too defensive to admit it.” 💖
There is a part in the movie The Godfather(Godfather II is my favorite, with young Vito played by Robert D) where Michael Corleone is persuaded by a catholic priest to confess. BFD for Michael C . he feels he is beyond redemption he is the OG badass! I still get chills when I hear the priest tell Michael. "The urge to confess can be overwhelming". It's still too much for me. Someday I hope I can tell someone everything. Thank you Mx Nadia.