"Somehow"
Sunday Prayers, March 21st, 2021
Dear God,
I don’t know how to do this part.
I don’t know how to stop that embarrassing, “but when is it MY turn?” thought when I see others getting their vaccination. I don’t know how to wait well. I don’t know how to not have it all feel like those last 5 minutes before the recess bell – when I can’t sit still and behave anymore.
God, I also don't know how to do the next part. How will I stop fearing that our human bodies are a danger to each other? How will I find the energy to show up again? How will I ever small talk again? And, importantly, what will I judge others for when I can no longer judge them for not wearing masks? (I’m sure I will find something).
Gently remind me that a year ago I didn't know how to live through the evaporation of all my plans, and the death of those I loved, and social turmoil, and the end of Schitt's Creek, and an isolation I thought I surely could not bear… I did not know how I was going to live without travel and sacraments and movie theaters and hugging my parents and yet … somehow, I did.
Help me remember that we somehow got through this year without first knowing how we would do it and that you have been in every moment already, and you will be in every moment to come. So, I thank you that you are my somehow, that your sweet Holy Spirit has accompanied me, equipped me, and comforted me – even when I failed to notice it, feel it, believe it or be grateful for it.
Amen.
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I am so very embarrassed to say that it is FINALLY my turn and when I went to set up my appointment the vaccine available for me was that Johnson and Johnson vaccine. Well I don't want that one, I want the Pfizer one. Seriously, WTF is wrong with me???? (P.S. still have not made an appointment). God please help me stop acting like a selfish, spoiled brat/jerk!
Thank you for your morning honesty about where you are. After having been teaching in-person since August you would think that seeing nearly 2000 kids every day that I would be ready to deal with crowds. But, I still have near panic attacks anytime I walk into a store filled with people. I grocery shop once a week early on Sunday morning so that I can see the least number of people. Anything else I shop for online. I cannot take crowds anymore. I am an introvert by nature but I do love 'people' watching and fellowship yet I can seem to tolerate it any longer. I don't know what to do with that. Please don't think that I'm whining about teaching in-person; I was at first. When we first started in August I was terrified every day. It was strange that once I had COVID, it quit being scary. Now, I see my high school kids differently. I see how completely different they are from any other year. The number in foster care is up 20+%. The number in and out of mental health facilities is 3x what it used to be. Hugs (which are extremely ill-advised) are something I give out all day every day because human contact can't be replaced. We are all desperate for human connection that doesn't require a computer interface. I hope and pray that we can all relearn how to do this. I'm struggling, but I'm hurting more because of the condition of those on the cusp of adulthood. How are these precious people ever going to know how to socialize as adults if all the adults have lost the ability? Sorry, I apologize for ranting, but these are the thoughts that keep me awake at 3 a.m.