I am preparing to start a doctorate with Leadership in the title. We are supposed to think about our leadership style. I wonder if “screw it I will go first” is the philosophy I should embrace more?
I can’t tell you how grateful I am that you are in the world and that you have the courage to share so many of your stories. Every time I read your words, whether they are your books or here at The Corners, I feel less alone. I’m also starting to have a sliver of hope that God and I can find each other. Thank you. ❤️
I’m an odd duck… an old white guy, live in Texas, a liberal Democrat, a Lutheran for crying out loud. But abortion has been a difficult topic for me. Your post today and Harper’s article has helped me. Thank you.
Gay pro-choice Christian -member of Montview Presbyterian church. So looking forward to your sermon tomorrow. My husband and I always get so much out of your sermons and these posts. Thank you. Frankly, with the recent barrage of Supreme Court decisions counter to my beliefs, I am feeling shell-shocked. Abortion, Christian prayer, public funds for religious education and now no limits on destroying the world with emissions, trash, whatever, I am agitated and feel shell-shocked. Your prayers and stories help me feel some peace❤️
I had just turned 18 ...friends helped me gather resources and get me to help. My mother sneaked into my things and found out after and i was forced to marry my older abuser (who was a youth minister at our cultish church). I managed to get marriage annulled and escape form that life. If i had had the child I would have been never gotten to safety. Yes, I grieve still for that life but i also grieve for the other child, myself, who was forced into that abuse.
I've lost count of all the texts and convos I've had this week with all my beloved girlfriends about how devastated we are that healthcare for women is going to look different going forward. We are all Mormon women and we are pissed.
"She matters. Her prospects matter." There are so many beautiful truths wrapped up in that statement.
Nadia, I am grateful for your choices, your journey, your becoming.
All my life, I have known that I am my mother's rainbow baby (the one born after a miscarriage). I've heard my mother talk about how she misses her son, looks forward to meeting him in Heaven, and how, through a mother's love that transcends Earth and Heaven, she knows him, his personality, his smile. She mourns not having him here. In that centered place where joy and sorrow blend, she thinks and speaks of him being loved by our ancestors, by her mother, and so many others now in Heaven.
With everything that is happening now, my mom is feeling anger, fear, sorrow, so many emotions that she has been trying to put into words, but where silence, a certain look of her eyes can render within me, "Mom, I know. I see you." When her miscarriage happened, she was able to receive the medical care she needed. Her body was allowed to heal. Our hearts carry deep sadness that that is not the journey of all women. Not all women have been given what should be a human right to have removed from her body what needs to be removed. Not all women have been able to truly heal and that is not ok.
People worry about what could happen next, what other rights could be taken away and yes, I feel that same fear. In 2020, I bled for, well, pretty much the whole year. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to go through. Various tests were done, but no cause was determined. I had days where I was ok and days where I couldn't bring myself to function. It was an emotional journey, a mess that I never want to endure again, but within which I can see how God guided me, loved me, and is bringing me to further emotional, spiritual, and physical healing. After going through tests, exams, and having numerous consultations, I was finally given access to birth control. I am healing and pray that someday all people will have access to all that they need to fully heal.
When I was reading your post today, I was thinking about a short poem I wrote a while ago. Thank you for all you do to encourage us and for giving yourself space and permission to become all you are today.
No Longer Less Than
You were never meant to be silent,
for your voice can claim infinite space
You were never meant to portray the facade of weakness
for those bothered by the inconvenience of your strength
I don't have a womb, but I do have an abortion story.
I was brought up in the Episcopal Church of Scotland by a strongly conservative, Conservative voting family, and through University I remained firmly anti-abortion, and about as self-righteous about it as that man was. In my late twenties, I was volunteering in an advice agency, where the next volunteer available took the client first in the queue, and a woman, a student, asked me about how she could get an abortion.
I had the ethic of the advice agency, which was to look in its information system and tell the client what it said, without any judgment of the client's situation or question. But, speaking to this woman in need, I changed from pro-life to pro-choice.
Faced with human need, I empathised.
I wonder how to give that experience to others. I have spoken to pro-life people since, and rarely changed minds. It is easy to get angry, and I think of the parable of the sheep and the goats. If this student had had to leave college, it could have badly damaged her life. Someone raised the hard case of sex selection abortions, but I don't need an opinion on hard cases unless they come up in my experience and I have to get involved. I am pro-choice.
I have been a 'Christian' for 49 years. For much of that time I believed I had a linear relationship with the Lord - if I did A & B, he was bound to do C & D. As life began to disprove this I chose to just put my head down and press on knowing God was real and worth the confusion in my head & heart. In the past few years, because of God's great mercy I began to read books that helped me realize:
God is God, and I am not
God is not bound to 'do' anything on my behalf since Jesus finished IT on the cross
I need not control others conduct with opinions/instruction/judgement, but trust that God is at work in their lives as he is in mine, and truly LOVE them as Jesus loves me
Fear is a liar and love is the only response I can have toward others because Jesus loves me
Jesus left only 2 commandments. Neither has to do with politics; both have to do with LOVE
I find myself hallow because the Jesus I know, love & follow is being used to cause harm to God's creation and creatures. Many human decisions (divorce, abortion, eating habits, disease treatments, career moves, dressing in drag, tattoos, home schooling, etc.) are going to be chosen for myriad reasons. My responsibility is to help make these decisions safe and legal for all.
Thank you Nadia, for your books, talks, The Corners, introducing me to Rachael Held Evans (posthumously), etc. We must press on with our faces set as flint toward the Way, the Truth, and the Life that is Jesus; knowing nothing in our current world is a surprise to God.
Sophie, I pray your sliver of hope becomes a RAY of blessed assurance that God has found YOU, you just need to realize that fact.
I had an abortion in 1974…I got pregnant from my first sexual encounter. I was 18 and just starting my first year at an art school in Boston after high school. I remember how frightened I was, how desperate I felt. It was a difficult decision I was faced with and at the time I was terrified to tell my parents. I remember not wanting to acknowledge that it was an actual baby inside me, I just wanted “it” to be gone. There were so many feelings back then that influenced my decision. Back then there were anti abortion protesters outside the clinics and that made it all that much scarier. I feel traumatized all over again now. Knowing that some women will now not have the same choices available to them that I had makes me feel the desperation all over again. It took years for me to be “okay” after. I remember I went to the Expo Fair in Springfield the following year and there were anti abortion advocates there passing out flyers with graphic photos inside depicting the abortion impact on a fetus at 10 weeks. It horrified me. I hated myself for many years after. The shame I felt was huge and kept me confused for a long time. In my quest to feel forgiven for my “crime” I volunteered at a local organization that offers young pregnant women information and support in making their decision with the focus on choosing to have their babies. Eventually after many years of effort and many conversations with God I grew to know that God loves me no matter what. I don’t regret my choice but I also know my choice influenced me as a whole very profoundly. Those that minimize the impact that taking a woman’s right to choose away are clueless to just how personal a decision it is. My story is one of millions and they all matter. Thank you for the opportunity to tell MY story.
I very much appreciate your thoughts and the biblical references reflected in your words shared here.
I have never been through a pregnancy, let alone through an abortion. I do know, however, from other women's experiences, that the decision for an abortion is never lightly taken. It is always a tragedy for the woman involved. Nonetheless I am fiercely in favour of the right to safe abortions, albeit as a last resort, for instance when birth control was not available for whatever reason. But this 'last resort' thing is entirely my take on the issue. It is not for me to question any woman's reasons to choose for an abortion. All the more since I know this decision is never lightly taken....
This is an issue of human rights. Regardless of where a person stands on the issue of abortion, no person has the right to make that critical decision for another. You can make that choice for yourself, but not for another. Every person and life are so very different, it cannot be generally judged and pronounced what should happen to every pregnant woman or person, especially by men. [It is especially absurd when men passed laws that ectopic pregnancies needed to be saved even though they were told that was not possible by OB/GYNs.]
We can fight over when life begins, but the life, health and well being of the living person is the priority and only she knows what the stakes are and lives with them. Hopefully, she has the counsel and support of friends and doctors who know her. It should not be determined by people who do not know her and have no understanding of her situation.
Personally, I think that if people are against abortion for religious reasons, they should know that God takes care of all. God is involved, not them.
I agree. I know the whole "what does the Bible say about ____" line of thinking isn't where everyone is at. Frankly, it's not a very Lutheran question. I mean, we are interested in what the Bible says, of course - just not as an employee manual...you know what I mean? I am more interested in asking what the Bible DOES. Meaning, does the corpus of scripture, the poetry and history and narrative and song within it illuminate something inside of us as humans? Where does the Bible tell us who we are and who God is? Those sort of things - we don't pull out a huge book written 2,000 - 4,000 years ago, blow the dust off the top and look for answers to our questions about life in 2022 - like it's some kind of crystal ball. I make the argument about the Bible mostly because I just have such little patience for the smug "Look! God is co-signing on us exerting dominance over other people . The Bible says so!" shit that goes on in the church.
Thank you for sharing your story with its angst and joy. Proudly shared on my FB page. Hopefully, it will be well received by my broad range of friends.
It was November 2003. I had just started a new job which was going to support my grad school practicum in social work. I was horrified to find myself pregnant after having taken precautions. Before I even had a chance to break the news to anyone, the man started leaving harassing messages on my phone: he wanted another date and I was not responding quickly enough. That sealed my decision not to have his baby. I also resolved that I'd rather die than end up raising a child with my well-meaning but overbearing parents who are devout Catholics. As a poor grad student, I would have needed their support to raise a child. I still cannot watch the movie that was playing in the clinic waiting room that day. And I remember the recovery room felt like a special kind of purgatory nightmare with women bleeding and sobbing. Only my sister and best friend knew at the time. Nearly twenty years later and they are pretty much still the only people who know. It took me years to forgive myself and I still wonder if God does...
I am preparing to start a doctorate with Leadership in the title. We are supposed to think about our leadership style. I wonder if “screw it I will go first” is the philosophy I should embrace more?
I can’t tell you how grateful I am that you are in the world and that you have the courage to share so many of your stories. Every time I read your words, whether they are your books or here at The Corners, I feel less alone. I’m also starting to have a sliver of hope that God and I can find each other. Thank you. ❤️
I’m an odd duck… an old white guy, live in Texas, a liberal Democrat, a Lutheran for crying out loud. But abortion has been a difficult topic for me. Your post today and Harper’s article has helped me. Thank you.
Gay pro-choice Christian -member of Montview Presbyterian church. So looking forward to your sermon tomorrow. My husband and I always get so much out of your sermons and these posts. Thank you. Frankly, with the recent barrage of Supreme Court decisions counter to my beliefs, I am feeling shell-shocked. Abortion, Christian prayer, public funds for religious education and now no limits on destroying the world with emissions, trash, whatever, I am agitated and feel shell-shocked. Your prayers and stories help me feel some peace❤️
I had just turned 18 ...friends helped me gather resources and get me to help. My mother sneaked into my things and found out after and i was forced to marry my older abuser (who was a youth minister at our cultish church). I managed to get marriage annulled and escape form that life. If i had had the child I would have been never gotten to safety. Yes, I grieve still for that life but i also grieve for the other child, myself, who was forced into that abuse.
I've lost count of all the texts and convos I've had this week with all my beloved girlfriends about how devastated we are that healthcare for women is going to look different going forward. We are all Mormon women and we are pissed.
"She matters. Her prospects matter." There are so many beautiful truths wrapped up in that statement.
Nadia, I am grateful for your choices, your journey, your becoming.
All my life, I have known that I am my mother's rainbow baby (the one born after a miscarriage). I've heard my mother talk about how she misses her son, looks forward to meeting him in Heaven, and how, through a mother's love that transcends Earth and Heaven, she knows him, his personality, his smile. She mourns not having him here. In that centered place where joy and sorrow blend, she thinks and speaks of him being loved by our ancestors, by her mother, and so many others now in Heaven.
With everything that is happening now, my mom is feeling anger, fear, sorrow, so many emotions that she has been trying to put into words, but where silence, a certain look of her eyes can render within me, "Mom, I know. I see you." When her miscarriage happened, she was able to receive the medical care she needed. Her body was allowed to heal. Our hearts carry deep sadness that that is not the journey of all women. Not all women have been given what should be a human right to have removed from her body what needs to be removed. Not all women have been able to truly heal and that is not ok.
People worry about what could happen next, what other rights could be taken away and yes, I feel that same fear. In 2020, I bled for, well, pretty much the whole year. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to go through. Various tests were done, but no cause was determined. I had days where I was ok and days where I couldn't bring myself to function. It was an emotional journey, a mess that I never want to endure again, but within which I can see how God guided me, loved me, and is bringing me to further emotional, spiritual, and physical healing. After going through tests, exams, and having numerous consultations, I was finally given access to birth control. I am healing and pray that someday all people will have access to all that they need to fully heal.
When I was reading your post today, I was thinking about a short poem I wrote a while ago. Thank you for all you do to encourage us and for giving yourself space and permission to become all you are today.
No Longer Less Than
You were never meant to be silent,
for your voice can claim infinite space
You were never meant to portray the facade of weakness
for those bothered by the inconvenience of your strength
You were never meant to conceal your intelligence
for those intent on closing your mind
You were never meant to operate as less than
Less than all you have been fighting to become
I don't have a womb, but I do have an abortion story.
I was brought up in the Episcopal Church of Scotland by a strongly conservative, Conservative voting family, and through University I remained firmly anti-abortion, and about as self-righteous about it as that man was. In my late twenties, I was volunteering in an advice agency, where the next volunteer available took the client first in the queue, and a woman, a student, asked me about how she could get an abortion.
I had the ethic of the advice agency, which was to look in its information system and tell the client what it said, without any judgment of the client's situation or question. But, speaking to this woman in need, I changed from pro-life to pro-choice.
Faced with human need, I empathised.
I wonder how to give that experience to others. I have spoken to pro-life people since, and rarely changed minds. It is easy to get angry, and I think of the parable of the sheep and the goats. If this student had had to leave college, it could have badly damaged her life. Someone raised the hard case of sex selection abortions, but I don't need an opinion on hard cases unless they come up in my experience and I have to get involved. I am pro-choice.
Thank you. This was the invitation I needed to give myself the space to cry and grieve and breathe today. Thank you, from the very depths of my heart.
I have been a 'Christian' for 49 years. For much of that time I believed I had a linear relationship with the Lord - if I did A & B, he was bound to do C & D. As life began to disprove this I chose to just put my head down and press on knowing God was real and worth the confusion in my head & heart. In the past few years, because of God's great mercy I began to read books that helped me realize:
God is God, and I am not
God is not bound to 'do' anything on my behalf since Jesus finished IT on the cross
I need not control others conduct with opinions/instruction/judgement, but trust that God is at work in their lives as he is in mine, and truly LOVE them as Jesus loves me
Fear is a liar and love is the only response I can have toward others because Jesus loves me
Jesus left only 2 commandments. Neither has to do with politics; both have to do with LOVE
I find myself hallow because the Jesus I know, love & follow is being used to cause harm to God's creation and creatures. Many human decisions (divorce, abortion, eating habits, disease treatments, career moves, dressing in drag, tattoos, home schooling, etc.) are going to be chosen for myriad reasons. My responsibility is to help make these decisions safe and legal for all.
Thank you Nadia, for your books, talks, The Corners, introducing me to Rachael Held Evans (posthumously), etc. We must press on with our faces set as flint toward the Way, the Truth, and the Life that is Jesus; knowing nothing in our current world is a surprise to God.
Sophie, I pray your sliver of hope becomes a RAY of blessed assurance that God has found YOU, you just need to realize that fact.
I had an abortion in 1974…I got pregnant from my first sexual encounter. I was 18 and just starting my first year at an art school in Boston after high school. I remember how frightened I was, how desperate I felt. It was a difficult decision I was faced with and at the time I was terrified to tell my parents. I remember not wanting to acknowledge that it was an actual baby inside me, I just wanted “it” to be gone. There were so many feelings back then that influenced my decision. Back then there were anti abortion protesters outside the clinics and that made it all that much scarier. I feel traumatized all over again now. Knowing that some women will now not have the same choices available to them that I had makes me feel the desperation all over again. It took years for me to be “okay” after. I remember I went to the Expo Fair in Springfield the following year and there were anti abortion advocates there passing out flyers with graphic photos inside depicting the abortion impact on a fetus at 10 weeks. It horrified me. I hated myself for many years after. The shame I felt was huge and kept me confused for a long time. In my quest to feel forgiven for my “crime” I volunteered at a local organization that offers young pregnant women information and support in making their decision with the focus on choosing to have their babies. Eventually after many years of effort and many conversations with God I grew to know that God loves me no matter what. I don’t regret my choice but I also know my choice influenced me as a whole very profoundly. Those that minimize the impact that taking a woman’s right to choose away are clueless to just how personal a decision it is. My story is one of millions and they all matter. Thank you for the opportunity to tell MY story.
I very much appreciate your thoughts and the biblical references reflected in your words shared here.
Eileen, thank you so much for telling your story. It was an honor to read it.
I have never been through a pregnancy, let alone through an abortion. I do know, however, from other women's experiences, that the decision for an abortion is never lightly taken. It is always a tragedy for the woman involved. Nonetheless I am fiercely in favour of the right to safe abortions, albeit as a last resort, for instance when birth control was not available for whatever reason. But this 'last resort' thing is entirely my take on the issue. It is not for me to question any woman's reasons to choose for an abortion. All the more since I know this decision is never lightly taken....
This is an issue of human rights. Regardless of where a person stands on the issue of abortion, no person has the right to make that critical decision for another. You can make that choice for yourself, but not for another. Every person and life are so very different, it cannot be generally judged and pronounced what should happen to every pregnant woman or person, especially by men. [It is especially absurd when men passed laws that ectopic pregnancies needed to be saved even though they were told that was not possible by OB/GYNs.]
We can fight over when life begins, but the life, health and well being of the living person is the priority and only she knows what the stakes are and lives with them. Hopefully, she has the counsel and support of friends and doctors who know her. It should not be determined by people who do not know her and have no understanding of her situation.
Personally, I think that if people are against abortion for religious reasons, they should know that God takes care of all. God is involved, not them.
I agree. I know the whole "what does the Bible say about ____" line of thinking isn't where everyone is at. Frankly, it's not a very Lutheran question. I mean, we are interested in what the Bible says, of course - just not as an employee manual...you know what I mean? I am more interested in asking what the Bible DOES. Meaning, does the corpus of scripture, the poetry and history and narrative and song within it illuminate something inside of us as humans? Where does the Bible tell us who we are and who God is? Those sort of things - we don't pull out a huge book written 2,000 - 4,000 years ago, blow the dust off the top and look for answers to our questions about life in 2022 - like it's some kind of crystal ball. I make the argument about the Bible mostly because I just have such little patience for the smug "Look! God is co-signing on us exerting dominance over other people . The Bible says so!" shit that goes on in the church.
Thank you for sharing your story with its angst and joy. Proudly shared on my FB page. Hopefully, it will be well received by my broad range of friends.
It was November 2003. I had just started a new job which was going to support my grad school practicum in social work. I was horrified to find myself pregnant after having taken precautions. Before I even had a chance to break the news to anyone, the man started leaving harassing messages on my phone: he wanted another date and I was not responding quickly enough. That sealed my decision not to have his baby. I also resolved that I'd rather die than end up raising a child with my well-meaning but overbearing parents who are devout Catholics. As a poor grad student, I would have needed their support to raise a child. I still cannot watch the movie that was playing in the clinic waiting room that day. And I remember the recovery room felt like a special kind of purgatory nightmare with women bleeding and sobbing. Only my sister and best friend knew at the time. Nearly twenty years later and they are pretty much still the only people who know. It took me years to forgive myself and I still wonder if God does...
Oh Aileen, what a tender story. Thank you for telling it. You do not need forgiveness for being self-respecting. Sending love. N
Exclusive essays? I would like to say they are inclusive essays! Thank you.