First I want to thank you Nadia, my therapist suggested to me that I may like your work. I have been questioning my faith on top of all this grief; it actually triggered me to talk about it again. But yeah a few months ago I found your podcast and I have read your books and a lot of the things you say I see myself thinking that too. So thank you for helping me along in my journey with the Bible.
I just listened to this episode today and I a lot of Claire’s story mimicked mine. And let me say I think it is awesome that she took her grief and became a grief therapist, she’s a strong lady. I was my mom’s caregiver for years. And she had a bad colon as well but being on steroids for years damaged her liver and she was diagnosis with cirrhosis of the liver because of it. And as I’m listening to the episode when she got to the part about getting that call from her dad I was in tears. It’s crazy how your mind time stamps things. It was 9:30am I was in our kitchen and the phone rang and it was my dad and all he could get out was “Brandi she is gone.” I remember hanging up the phone and falling to the floor. But I remember that moment March 9, 2009 9:30 am. I wasn’t at the hospital when my mom passed but she didn’t want me to be there. Having been her care giver I watched her slowly die and we got to say goodbye long before she didn’t know what was going on. But I felt guilt afterwards any ways but I didn’t get to hang on to that guilt for long cause I had her family turn on me telling me it was my fault she died because I wasn’t there. And at first I just took it they were grieving too and I know grief makes you do things you wouldn’t normally do. But it didn’t stop there they kept pushing and pushing making things worse till one day I just couldn’t take it anymore. I had just lost my mom, my best friend and her family is telling me she never loved my dad, arguing about the little things, it got to where they would take my flowers off of her grave, it got bad so I lost it and told my grandmother to “Fuck Off” and I never talked to them again. I don’t have contact with all of my mom’s family anymore. And ironically I have been talking through this stuff with my therapist when I got to this episode yesterday and as soon as Claire said her my had colon cancer I turned the episode off I even closed my spotify app. I just couldn’t listen to what she was going to confess to. I guess I was scared to hear if it could be me talking. But I did listen to it this morning. And yeah after my mom died I did the reckless drinking too much and then go driving around, I lived in the country at that time so I basically the only one on the road but still a stupid thing to do. Then one night I ran off the road, I didn’t wreak but it scared me enough to stop the driving part but not the drinking. And I continued the drinking until one night I was at my best friend at the times house and we were getting drunk and her boyfriend at the time was a tattoo artist and I had been thinking of getting something for my mom I just didn’t know what and I told him the idea I had. And he told me if I trusted him he would draw something for me. I was drunk and told him sure go for it. And he did and then he said he had all his equipment there if I wanted it done that night. I was like sure what the hell, stupid in hindsight cause a tattoo is permanent and it takes me weeks if not months to plan all of my others one out but that night I just wanted to feel something other than grief and sadness. I can’t believe I picked pain but there we were. And this was my second tattoo but my first one was small. This one goes from my ankle to my knee on the outside of my leg. So 4 hours and a few glasses of whiskey later I got my memorial tattoo for my mom. It a rugged looking cross with a rose vine wrapped around it with each rose the color of the rainbow. It’s a combination of me and my mom she loved roses and I am gay and she fully accepted me. What is sort of funny about that night was I don’t even like whiskey but it was going down really smooth and I haven’t been able to sit that long straight for any other tattoo and I do have another big one. Wow I can’t believe I wrote all that out, sorry for that but thank you if you read all the way through to here.
First I want to thank you Nadia, my therapist suggested to me that I may like your work. I have been questioning my faith on top of all this grief; it actually triggered me to talk about it again. But yeah a few months ago I found your podcast and I have read your books and a lot of the things you say I see myself thinking that too. So thank you for helping me along in my journey with the Bible.
I just listened to this episode today and I a lot of Claire’s story mimicked mine. And let me say I think it is awesome that she took her grief and became a grief therapist, she’s a strong lady. I was my mom’s caregiver for years. And she had a bad colon as well but being on steroids for years damaged her liver and she was diagnosis with cirrhosis of the liver because of it. And as I’m listening to the episode when she got to the part about getting that call from her dad I was in tears. It’s crazy how your mind time stamps things. It was 9:30am I was in our kitchen and the phone rang and it was my dad and all he could get out was “Brandi she is gone.” I remember hanging up the phone and falling to the floor. But I remember that moment March 9, 2009 9:30 am. I wasn’t at the hospital when my mom passed but she didn’t want me to be there. Having been her care giver I watched her slowly die and we got to say goodbye long before she didn’t know what was going on. But I felt guilt afterwards any ways but I didn’t get to hang on to that guilt for long cause I had her family turn on me telling me it was my fault she died because I wasn’t there. And at first I just took it they were grieving too and I know grief makes you do things you wouldn’t normally do. But it didn’t stop there they kept pushing and pushing making things worse till one day I just couldn’t take it anymore. I had just lost my mom, my best friend and her family is telling me she never loved my dad, arguing about the little things, it got to where they would take my flowers off of her grave, it got bad so I lost it and told my grandmother to “Fuck Off” and I never talked to them again. I don’t have contact with all of my mom’s family anymore. And ironically I have been talking through this stuff with my therapist when I got to this episode yesterday and as soon as Claire said her my had colon cancer I turned the episode off I even closed my spotify app. I just couldn’t listen to what she was going to confess to. I guess I was scared to hear if it could be me talking. But I did listen to it this morning. And yeah after my mom died I did the reckless drinking too much and then go driving around, I lived in the country at that time so I basically the only one on the road but still a stupid thing to do. Then one night I ran off the road, I didn’t wreak but it scared me enough to stop the driving part but not the drinking. And I continued the drinking until one night I was at my best friend at the times house and we were getting drunk and her boyfriend at the time was a tattoo artist and I had been thinking of getting something for my mom I just didn’t know what and I told him the idea I had. And he told me if I trusted him he would draw something for me. I was drunk and told him sure go for it. And he did and then he said he had all his equipment there if I wanted it done that night. I was like sure what the hell, stupid in hindsight cause a tattoo is permanent and it takes me weeks if not months to plan all of my others one out but that night I just wanted to feel something other than grief and sadness. I can’t believe I picked pain but there we were. And this was my second tattoo but my first one was small. This one goes from my ankle to my knee on the outside of my leg. So 4 hours and a few glasses of whiskey later I got my memorial tattoo for my mom. It a rugged looking cross with a rose vine wrapped around it with each rose the color of the rainbow. It’s a combination of me and my mom she loved roses and I am gay and she fully accepted me. What is sort of funny about that night was I don’t even like whiskey but it was going down really smooth and I haven’t been able to sit that long straight for any other tattoo and I do have another big one. Wow I can’t believe I wrote all that out, sorry for that but thank you if you read all the way through to here.
Just listened. Wow...that blessing made me cry. Beautiful.