“Humility does not mean thinking less of yourself than of other people, nor does it mean having a low opinion of your own gifts. It means freedom from thinking about yourself one way or the other at all.”― Archbishop William Temple
I just jumped Monday on two people from a new online church that I’ve only been a part of for 2 months and I did it on Facebook. Then I found out I was mostly wrong.
I was so embarrassed and angry with myself for jumping on them on Facebook of all places. It took 24 hours to figure out how to apologize to them. I felt so angry with myself for jumping to a conclusion from a reactionary place because I had a perceived threat that wasn’t true.
I appreciate everything you write. So there's that. Then there is - I am SO GLAD that you reminded me of Byron Katie!! I watched the video yesterday and honestly, brilliant. I have to figure out a way to memorize and "carry" those questions around with me always. If I had freedom from my thoughts, well, my GAWD, I would be free indeed. That dude was SUCH a good sport...you know there were moments where he wanted to be like F U BYRON. HAHA. BUT. There is a reason it's called THE WORK. Only you can own it and do it. So damn hard. Thank you for the reminders. When my kids were little and someone would say something shitty to them I used to ask them - Is that your truth? And I love Byron's reminder (another thing I tried to teach my kids who are now adults) "ask for what you want." The concept sounds so remarkably easy. Not so much. But you know, I have a friend who uses the phrase "I have rigid thoughts" which is her way of saying forgiveness is hard. Which, quite frankly, is a solid truth. Forgiveness is hard. She always says she still feels more anger about my divorce than I do. I try to explain that choosing forgiveness is a gift to myself. And that forgiving myself for not asking for what I wanted and living my truth (which ultimately was a part of the demise of my marriage) was harder for me than forgiving his infidelity. One thing the video reminded me of was another one of my thoughts - sometimes, you nod and smile. That's all. Listen. Nod. Smile. Let that shit go. It's not about you. (p.s. Is there a way to embed the 4 questions and the 4 agreements in our brains??? HAHA)
Someone "hurt me" recently and I am of course ruminating about it. I will continue ruminating, then I will stop. Then I thought, perhaps she was frightened of me. I don't like to believe people could be frightened of me, but it might be preferable to believing she was cold, calculating, callous and cruel.
(See how tempting words can be.)
Then I thought, why? All humans are unknowable, even to ourselves. I will do her the honour of believing she could indeed be "mad, bad and dangerous to know". I will stop ruminating when I give up the hope for a better past, or for her and me to be other than we are.
I have value. So, whatever else I get from someone, I should oppose their cruelty to me at least as much as I would oppose their cruelty to, say, a cat. I am a living organism, perhaps even worth as much as two sparrows.
I am ruminating. So I need to tell someone this. Thank you for providing the space.
I have found that waiting has helped me tremendously in reacting to situations. I have learned through reading Julia Cameron’s book The Artist’s Way, that some of the stories I’ve had in my mind and heart about situations weren’t necessarily true. I’m learning to have grace for myself and realize that like you said, I don’t have all the information. Thank you!
Hey Anne! What Substack calls podcasts are just those voice memos at the top of some of my posts. There's not actually a podcast here. If you still have problems, email beth and she'll sort you out. nadiabooking@gmail.com. Thanks for subscribing!
Thank you for this information. It literally "turned my head around" on a really difficult part of my life. Wow. I have been poking this bear for about a year and Byron Katie's method turned the bear around! In gratitude for all you do for us, Nadia.
I love how you brought up the stories we tell ourselves. I've had times where the story I have told myself has produced this sense of comfort and trust that should not have been there. My own narratives and perceptions caused me to ignore red flags.
Yet, there are also times when the stories we tell ourselves can cause bitterness when there should be grace and understanding.
I love that 4th question: Who or what would you be without that thought?
We so often hold tight to the things God wants us to release. I'm finding freedom in rewording the stories I tell myself. I've labeled myself as clumsy for dropping something, lazy for needing rest, and selfish for wanting something for myself.
No. I dropped something. I'm human. I'm not lazy. My body is tired and is sending signals that it needs rest and I'm responding, listening to my body. Caring about myself doesn't make me selfish nor does it mean that I do not extend love and care to others.
I quickly skimmed through this a few days ago, while trying my best to complete a stone walkway, then this evening I looked at this slowly, closely, thanks so much for grace when fuck ups seem the norm
This topic is the theme of my life lately. Recently read a small excerpt from one of Barnes Boffey’s books, riffing off a quote from a last century Scottish psychiatrist/poet named Ronald David Laing. The whole of the quote was “If you don’t know that you don’t know, then you think you know.” My brain pretty much exploded trying to hold onto my judgment of everyone I meet or hear who is expounding stuff that makes no sense to me and actually feels threatening to me on some level, and the realization that judging them on the basis of their attempts to make sense of a senseless world and reaching DIFFERENT CONCLUSIONS than I do is not a basis for raging against them. Darn it.
Met Nadia last night in Twin Cities and oh so wish I could broadcast her message... Anxiety & Hope? Humility? FREE by Florence & Machine. Humility is neither a positive or negative, per se. Just like "church" needs to be defined, "humbleness of heart" can now be positive through the lens of Jesus' resurrection.
Not only are we invited to share, but asked to share our own humbleness, our humanity, first with God and then with one another. Maybe in that way humbleness of heart could become more like sharing the peace - - God's humbleness be with you (and also with you).
Thank you Nadia for coming out to the Cities! Sorry the WiFi was so Old Adam for you here.
I have been an eager listener for God's Word through you, especially in the last 6.5 years of my own humbling and sobriety, the shame game. It is good to hear truth and doctrine spoken together with love, in love. "Beloved, let us love one another! For love is of God, and ev'ry one who loveth is born of God and knoweth God" 1 John 4:7-8
“Humility does not mean thinking less of yourself than of other people, nor does it mean having a low opinion of your own gifts. It means freedom from thinking about yourself one way or the other at all.”― Archbishop William Temple
I just jumped Monday on two people from a new online church that I’ve only been a part of for 2 months and I did it on Facebook. Then I found out I was mostly wrong.
I was so embarrassed and angry with myself for jumping on them on Facebook of all places. It took 24 hours to figure out how to apologize to them. I felt so angry with myself for jumping to a conclusion from a reactionary place because I had a perceived threat that wasn’t true.
I am an Olympic grade conclusion jumper. I pray they forgave you! That's where humility usually is more valuable than gold!
I appreciate everything you write. So there's that. Then there is - I am SO GLAD that you reminded me of Byron Katie!! I watched the video yesterday and honestly, brilliant. I have to figure out a way to memorize and "carry" those questions around with me always. If I had freedom from my thoughts, well, my GAWD, I would be free indeed. That dude was SUCH a good sport...you know there were moments where he wanted to be like F U BYRON. HAHA. BUT. There is a reason it's called THE WORK. Only you can own it and do it. So damn hard. Thank you for the reminders. When my kids were little and someone would say something shitty to them I used to ask them - Is that your truth? And I love Byron's reminder (another thing I tried to teach my kids who are now adults) "ask for what you want." The concept sounds so remarkably easy. Not so much. But you know, I have a friend who uses the phrase "I have rigid thoughts" which is her way of saying forgiveness is hard. Which, quite frankly, is a solid truth. Forgiveness is hard. She always says she still feels more anger about my divorce than I do. I try to explain that choosing forgiveness is a gift to myself. And that forgiving myself for not asking for what I wanted and living my truth (which ultimately was a part of the demise of my marriage) was harder for me than forgiving his infidelity. One thing the video reminded me of was another one of my thoughts - sometimes, you nod and smile. That's all. Listen. Nod. Smile. Let that shit go. It's not about you. (p.s. Is there a way to embed the 4 questions and the 4 agreements in our brains??? HAHA)
Yes. Narratives.
Someone "hurt me" recently and I am of course ruminating about it. I will continue ruminating, then I will stop. Then I thought, perhaps she was frightened of me. I don't like to believe people could be frightened of me, but it might be preferable to believing she was cold, calculating, callous and cruel.
(See how tempting words can be.)
Then I thought, why? All humans are unknowable, even to ourselves. I will do her the honour of believing she could indeed be "mad, bad and dangerous to know". I will stop ruminating when I give up the hope for a better past, or for her and me to be other than we are.
I have value. So, whatever else I get from someone, I should oppose their cruelty to me at least as much as I would oppose their cruelty to, say, a cat. I am a living organism, perhaps even worth as much as two sparrows.
I am ruminating. So I need to tell someone this. Thank you for providing the space.
when I think I know it all i stop thinking
Hey God, please help me to never think that I know it all and whack me hard each time I think i do. I do not ever want to know it all.. Thanks. Amen.
Oh, Chuck, why do you want God to whack you? Why not, nudge you in the ribs, grin and say, "Dearest Chuck, come on...."
I like this better!!!
Ha, ha, nope, god knows how to get my attention, like a parent when your kid is reaching for the hot burner. 🙂
I have found that waiting has helped me tremendously in reacting to situations. I have learned through reading Julia Cameron’s book The Artist’s Way, that some of the stories I’ve had in my mind and heart about situations weren’t necessarily true. I’m learning to have grace for myself and realize that like you said, I don’t have all the information. Thank you!
Peace, grace and mercy are yours.
O that I can see the power of being humble and live it graciously.
I theoretically hope for humility but I'm afraid what that might look like in real life :D May I still be full of humility today (knock on wood)
Hello I’m a bit confused. I’m a subscriber, but I can’t access any of the podcasts. Am I supposed to pay extra for them? I thought they were included.
Hey Anne! What Substack calls podcasts are just those voice memos at the top of some of my posts. There's not actually a podcast here. If you still have problems, email beth and she'll sort you out. nadiabooking@gmail.com. Thanks for subscribing!
Thank you for this information. It literally "turned my head around" on a really difficult part of my life. Wow. I have been poking this bear for about a year and Byron Katie's method turned the bear around! In gratitude for all you do for us, Nadia.
I love how you brought up the stories we tell ourselves. I've had times where the story I have told myself has produced this sense of comfort and trust that should not have been there. My own narratives and perceptions caused me to ignore red flags.
Yet, there are also times when the stories we tell ourselves can cause bitterness when there should be grace and understanding.
I love that 4th question: Who or what would you be without that thought?
We so often hold tight to the things God wants us to release. I'm finding freedom in rewording the stories I tell myself. I've labeled myself as clumsy for dropping something, lazy for needing rest, and selfish for wanting something for myself.
No. I dropped something. I'm human. I'm not lazy. My body is tired and is sending signals that it needs rest and I'm responding, listening to my body. Caring about myself doesn't make me selfish nor does it mean that I do not extend love and care to others.
I quickly skimmed through this a few days ago, while trying my best to complete a stone walkway, then this evening I looked at this slowly, closely, thanks so much for grace when fuck ups seem the norm
This topic is the theme of my life lately. Recently read a small excerpt from one of Barnes Boffey’s books, riffing off a quote from a last century Scottish psychiatrist/poet named Ronald David Laing. The whole of the quote was “If you don’t know that you don’t know, then you think you know.” My brain pretty much exploded trying to hold onto my judgment of everyone I meet or hear who is expounding stuff that makes no sense to me and actually feels threatening to me on some level, and the realization that judging them on the basis of their attempts to make sense of a senseless world and reaching DIFFERENT CONCLUSIONS than I do is not a basis for raging against them. Darn it.
Met Nadia last night in Twin Cities and oh so wish I could broadcast her message... Anxiety & Hope? Humility? FREE by Florence & Machine. Humility is neither a positive or negative, per se. Just like "church" needs to be defined, "humbleness of heart" can now be positive through the lens of Jesus' resurrection.
Not only are we invited to share, but asked to share our own humbleness, our humanity, first with God and then with one another. Maybe in that way humbleness of heart could become more like sharing the peace - - God's humbleness be with you (and also with you).
Thank you Nadia for coming out to the Cities! Sorry the WiFi was so Old Adam for you here.
I have been an eager listener for God's Word through you, especially in the last 6.5 years of my own humbling and sobriety, the shame game. It is good to hear truth and doctrine spoken together with love, in love. "Beloved, let us love one another! For love is of God, and ev'ry one who loveth is born of God and knoweth God" 1 John 4:7-8
Sabrina B
Nadia, Again, I find your article so relevant and thoughtful! ❤️