Who are we now, after a year of this?
Sunday Prayers March 14th, 2021
Sunday Prayers
Dear God who made us all,
A year ago we did not know that we were about to learn:
what we could lose and somehow live anyway
where we would find comfort and where it would elude us
whose lives matter to whom
why we have kitchens in our homes.
In mid-March 2020 all I knew for sure is that
hoarding toilet paper doesn't make you safe - it just makes you selfish.
But God, it feels like the world is about to open back up.
And I’m both thrilled and kind of scared about that.
Because I’m not who I was a year ago.
I want so badly
to hug my friends again
and laugh like hell again
and have amazing conversations again
and yet I am not sure how long I could do any of this before crying or just getting really quiet. My emotional protective gear has worn so thin, and grief just leaks out everywhere now.
I am so afraid that I will never be who I once was. And I am also afraid that I will be.
(Not to mention, I’m not entirely clear what size jeans I wear as the me I am now)
And yet, when I quiet my anxious thoughts, I start to suspect that I am now closer to the me you have always known and always loved. So help me trust that, Lord.
As things change, help us be gentle with ourselves and with each other. We are all wearing newborn skin right now.
Amen.
The Confessional returns!
Season 3 of The Confessional starts this Wednesday! Subscribe here to not miss it. I will be talking with Sarah Edmondson who was featured in the HBO documentary series about the NXIVM cult, The Vow.
Here’s the final episode of season 2, in case you’re interested. It was a devastating confession by renown journalist, Maria Hinojosa.
If You’re Nerdy Enough To Want To Listen To Me Talk About The Bible <—— click here for an episode of The Bible For Normal People
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Thank you for these prayers. The last year has been frightening and emotional and full of uncertainty. I received my vaccinations and I though my fears would abate. Yes! I could go to my work as a nurse and not worry so much. But than the fear and anxiety all came back in a rush. All the deaths and all the suffering. When I was a child I never could imagine one day I would call someone’s wife, husband, lover, family....the one that means everything...and say to them their love has died. I don’t know how I did this. How would God do this. Like Nadia says... my grief and sadness still leak out of me. New born skin that I am afraid of and amazes me.
I like how I accidentally read, "If you're NEEDY enough to want to listen to me talk about the bible" instead of "nerdy enough" and I think that accurately illustrates where I'm at today. Haha.