Thank you. I am deeply grateful for this. Last weekend I combatted my anxiety by volunteering to give COVID shots. After a day of feeling joyous and like I was making a difference I suddenly felt anxious, with thoughts like "holy shit I am helping us move to YET another new normal that is completely unknown!!" Appreciating today the reminder to be gentle with myself and others as we continue to adapt and grow.
My prayers. God. I wish i had my childhood faith. I wish i could wholeheartedly believe that you are more than just a psychological projection dreamt up by my mind to deal with trauma and unresolved issues. That maybe it is culture and trauma that cause humans to define and limit a real all knowing, all powerful, eternal being into a projection we create to work out our own stuff. Or maybe you aren’t really there at all.
But I want to believe that my life is more than just an accident. I want to believe there is someone who loves me instead of judges. So in my lowest doubt- I pray.
I pray to be connected to the maker of the universe. I pray for forgiveness- for all the ways i was not enough for my mom with dementia and my God-daughter with psychosis. I pray forgiveness for all the times fear overpowered love. I pray for my healing of my own brokenness from PTSD. I pray the new therapist will have skills to help me with the latest flareup. I pray the tears and fear will be replaced with peace and contentment. Or dare i hope joy and love?
I pray for help with my rage and anger when people preach hatred and fear in your name. I pray for the deliverance of millions who have been deceived by ‘christian’-con-artists using cult tactics and mind control on their followers. For according to 2 timothy the deceivers are also deceived.
And God I thank you for all the friends I have. For new ones you added even during the pandemic. Help them to not grow weary in supporting me.
I like who I am now better after all of this. She is less anxious, more honest, more focused, and more courageous. She feels more tender about other people as a matter of course. She will be a little more strange out in the world than I have allowed myself to be in the past, but that feels like the right thing.
Isn’t it crazy- when this came upon us we struggled with fear. Now that we are about to come out the other side, we struggle with our fear. O trust in the Lord, for He is good! Fear Not
I figured out a few months in, that all I was doing was learning emotional regulation. Friends of Bill W call it "emotional sobriety." Buddhists call it "equanimity."
It means the practice of staying centered no matter what life throws at you. It's so hard.
Sending you love and blessings. Thank you for this prayer.
This! "and yet I am not sure how long I could do any of this before crying or just getting really quiet. My emotional protective gear has worn so thin, and grief just leaks out everywhere now.
I am so afraid that I will never be who I once was. And I am also afraid that I will be." THANK YOU
I’ve been trying for the last couple of weeks to begin a dedicated process of reflection on this last year. I haven’t gotten there yet, and I think it’s related to some of what you touch on here, Nadia.
But I’ll share an exchange with a treasured friend. She asked, “How does one unhaunt from all of this?”
I said, “Oh heavens. That’s such an important question and one that I too wonder about. Learning to be generous with our love and our forgiveness will be part of it, I think. Finding ways to be gentle enough with vulnerability to let it blossom into healing. But I truly don’t know how we do that as a culture, or a country, or a species.”
Oh, boy. That photo. The man with allllll the toilet paper, paper towel, etc. Its still shocking to see how selfish people were. I wonder what he was thinking, purchasing all that?
As for me, I have been working the entire time. My job as a Funeral Concierge took off like I never experienced before. Remembering those dark days when we took in more decedents then we could handle. Working too much. Scarred a lot. Not having answers. I guess I never had time to hoard toilet paper, or to just sit at home with my thoughts. I am kind of glad I didn't, as reengaging into society would probably feel pretty overwhelming for me.
I feel the light at the end of the tunnel. We aren't there yet. Still many more people to get vaccinated. But I can feel and sense the shift. For me, the lessons are definitely not over. I'm still learning. However, I'm feeling hopeful. I pray you all are too. And, thank you for this prayer <3
For what it's worth, I received a teaching last march that when COVID hit our instinctive centers (1st chakra, guts) were totally flooded with fear and even though folks probably weren't literally shitting their pants, the felt like they were spiritually shitting their pants and toilet paper was the only thing they could think of. It was bizarre to see, I agree, and then it makes sense to me when I think that we're all just trying to use material solutions to meet spiritual needs much of the time.
Many blessings on all your work last year and ongoing.
Living alone I had to get used to hearing my own voice, more than is normal for me. That's saying a lot. The first few months of lockdown pushed me to find ways to stay busy. Cleaning and decluttering became the new norm. Except GoodWill was closed so the bags of stuff became the clutter.
I am feeling a bit traumatized from all of this isolation, and am wondering how I will do once everything opens back up. Will I have to learn how to be around people again? Will I continue to see Jesus OUT there?
I hope my heart is not wounded from isolation, but if it is, I know it, I will finding healing when giving and receiving love.
This means a lot to hear. I've been having a hard time spending more than maybe 30 minutes with people before wanting to really really be alone again. But then being lonely and somewhat anxious when I do and wondering when is the next time I'll have a really warm, open-hearted, relaxed dinner party with close friends again. Newborn skin and closer to God than ever. Amen.
Thank you for these prayers. The last year has been frightening and emotional and full of uncertainty. I received my vaccinations and I though my fears would abate. Yes! I could go to my work as a nurse and not worry so much. But than the fear and anxiety all came back in a rush. All the deaths and all the suffering. When I was a child I never could imagine one day I would call someone’s wife, husband, lover, family....the one that means everything...and say to them their love has died. I don’t know how I did this. How would God do this. Like Nadia says... my grief and sadness still leak out of me. New born skin that I am afraid of and amazes me.
I like how I accidentally read, "If you're NEEDY enough to want to listen to me talk about the bible" instead of "nerdy enough" and I think that accurately illustrates where I'm at today. Haha.
I’ve been thinking of the pain brought on by the last year of the pandemic as existential labor pains, as birthing pains for something spiritual that's really good. The upsetting part isn’t the pain, really, because I do believe it's some kind of birth, and I’m curious to meet it, so I don't want to give up. The distressing part is not knowing how long the labor might last and not knowing who to turn to for some kind of epidural that can work in this context...but it's the knowledge that things are born that gives me hope and endurance right now. 🙏
Thank you. I am deeply grateful for this. Last weekend I combatted my anxiety by volunteering to give COVID shots. After a day of feeling joyous and like I was making a difference I suddenly felt anxious, with thoughts like "holy shit I am helping us move to YET another new normal that is completely unknown!!" Appreciating today the reminder to be gentle with myself and others as we continue to adapt and grow.
Thank you for volunteering to give shots. Thank you for making a difference!
My prayers. God. I wish i had my childhood faith. I wish i could wholeheartedly believe that you are more than just a psychological projection dreamt up by my mind to deal with trauma and unresolved issues. That maybe it is culture and trauma that cause humans to define and limit a real all knowing, all powerful, eternal being into a projection we create to work out our own stuff. Or maybe you aren’t really there at all.
But I want to believe that my life is more than just an accident. I want to believe there is someone who loves me instead of judges. So in my lowest doubt- I pray.
I pray to be connected to the maker of the universe. I pray for forgiveness- for all the ways i was not enough for my mom with dementia and my God-daughter with psychosis. I pray forgiveness for all the times fear overpowered love. I pray for my healing of my own brokenness from PTSD. I pray the new therapist will have skills to help me with the latest flareup. I pray the tears and fear will be replaced with peace and contentment. Or dare i hope joy and love?
I pray for help with my rage and anger when people preach hatred and fear in your name. I pray for the deliverance of millions who have been deceived by ‘christian’-con-artists using cult tactics and mind control on their followers. For according to 2 timothy the deceivers are also deceived.
And God I thank you for all the friends I have. For new ones you added even during the pandemic. Help them to not grow weary in supporting me.
Oh how i miss in person church.
Blessing to everyone in the corners today. Amen
I like who I am now better after all of this. She is less anxious, more honest, more focused, and more courageous. She feels more tender about other people as a matter of course. She will be a little more strange out in the world than I have allowed myself to be in the past, but that feels like the right thing.
Isn’t it crazy- when this came upon us we struggled with fear. Now that we are about to come out the other side, we struggle with our fear. O trust in the Lord, for He is good! Fear Not
I figured out a few months in, that all I was doing was learning emotional regulation. Friends of Bill W call it "emotional sobriety." Buddhists call it "equanimity."
It means the practice of staying centered no matter what life throws at you. It's so hard.
Sending you love and blessings. Thank you for this prayer.
This! "and yet I am not sure how long I could do any of this before crying or just getting really quiet. My emotional protective gear has worn so thin, and grief just leaks out everywhere now.
I am so afraid that I will never be who I once was. And I am also afraid that I will be." THANK YOU
I’ve been trying for the last couple of weeks to begin a dedicated process of reflection on this last year. I haven’t gotten there yet, and I think it’s related to some of what you touch on here, Nadia.
But I’ll share an exchange with a treasured friend. She asked, “How does one unhaunt from all of this?”
I said, “Oh heavens. That’s such an important question and one that I too wonder about. Learning to be generous with our love and our forgiveness will be part of it, I think. Finding ways to be gentle enough with vulnerability to let it blossom into healing. But I truly don’t know how we do that as a culture, or a country, or a species.”
This felt honest. Amen.
Oh, boy. That photo. The man with allllll the toilet paper, paper towel, etc. Its still shocking to see how selfish people were. I wonder what he was thinking, purchasing all that?
As for me, I have been working the entire time. My job as a Funeral Concierge took off like I never experienced before. Remembering those dark days when we took in more decedents then we could handle. Working too much. Scarred a lot. Not having answers. I guess I never had time to hoard toilet paper, or to just sit at home with my thoughts. I am kind of glad I didn't, as reengaging into society would probably feel pretty overwhelming for me.
I feel the light at the end of the tunnel. We aren't there yet. Still many more people to get vaccinated. But I can feel and sense the shift. For me, the lessons are definitely not over. I'm still learning. However, I'm feeling hopeful. I pray you all are too. And, thank you for this prayer <3
For what it's worth, I received a teaching last march that when COVID hit our instinctive centers (1st chakra, guts) were totally flooded with fear and even though folks probably weren't literally shitting their pants, the felt like they were spiritually shitting their pants and toilet paper was the only thing they could think of. It was bizarre to see, I agree, and then it makes sense to me when I think that we're all just trying to use material solutions to meet spiritual needs much of the time.
Many blessings on all your work last year and ongoing.
-Rev. Cindy
"Spiritually shitting their pants", can't quite get this image out of my head. Nice.
Me too! Love that!
Living alone I had to get used to hearing my own voice, more than is normal for me. That's saying a lot. The first few months of lockdown pushed me to find ways to stay busy. Cleaning and decluttering became the new norm. Except GoodWill was closed so the bags of stuff became the clutter.
I am feeling a bit traumatized from all of this isolation, and am wondering how I will do once everything opens back up. Will I have to learn how to be around people again? Will I continue to see Jesus OUT there?
I hope my heart is not wounded from isolation, but if it is, I know it, I will finding healing when giving and receiving love.
This means a lot to hear. I've been having a hard time spending more than maybe 30 minutes with people before wanting to really really be alone again. But then being lonely and somewhat anxious when I do and wondering when is the next time I'll have a really warm, open-hearted, relaxed dinner party with close friends again. Newborn skin and closer to God than ever. Amen.
Merci pour ca. Blessings to us all.
Thank you for these prayers. The last year has been frightening and emotional and full of uncertainty. I received my vaccinations and I though my fears would abate. Yes! I could go to my work as a nurse and not worry so much. But than the fear and anxiety all came back in a rush. All the deaths and all the suffering. When I was a child I never could imagine one day I would call someone’s wife, husband, lover, family....the one that means everything...and say to them their love has died. I don’t know how I did this. How would God do this. Like Nadia says... my grief and sadness still leak out of me. New born skin that I am afraid of and amazes me.
I like how I accidentally read, "If you're NEEDY enough to want to listen to me talk about the bible" instead of "nerdy enough" and I think that accurately illustrates where I'm at today. Haha.
Good thoughts to everyone learning who or what they truly are through this pandemic, for better or worse.
I’ve been thinking of the pain brought on by the last year of the pandemic as existential labor pains, as birthing pains for something spiritual that's really good. The upsetting part isn’t the pain, really, because I do believe it's some kind of birth, and I’m curious to meet it, so I don't want to give up. The distressing part is not knowing how long the labor might last and not knowing who to turn to for some kind of epidural that can work in this context...but it's the knowledge that things are born that gives me hope and endurance right now. 🙏